As the trial for vice-presidential adviser Scooter Libby gets under way, the defendant claims that he’s a scapegoat for the actions of Karl Rove. Rove denied the allegations, and then released the names of all the jurors.

Madonna arrived in Malawi this week prepared to adopt a 4-year-old girl from the country. Thus kicking off this year's Madonna - Angelina Jolie Fantasy Draft. 

A new reality dating show will premiere on Fox featuring guys dating plus-size women.  Fox calls it "More to Love,"; BET calls it, "Regular Programming". 

Tiger Woods' wife is pregnant. Tiger's mom told reporters, "It's about time! What was the par on that hole anyway?"

During a speech to commemorate D-Day, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown mispronounced "Omaha Beach" when he called it "Obama Beach".  It may not have been a mistake, because he later referred to the "Battle of the Bulge" as "Dinner at Rush Limbaugh's House". 

Roger Clemens adamantly denies a new book's claims that he took steroids.  Then, representing the last body part to change size, his nose grew. 

*This joke has also been submitted by me to Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update.

A runway at JFK airport was shut down Wednesday morning after 78 turtles crawled onto the tarmac.  So let's recap:  Geese taking down jets, turtles shutting down runways, pigs spreading the flu...I'm starting to think Old MacDonald is a terrorist.  

Republican National Committee head Michael Steele said that the party will no longer apologize for past mistakes.  Because who has that much time, really? 

Polar bears in the Pittsburgh zoo received a $14 million domain renovation featuring a plush waterfall and running stream. Park officials expect a spike in ticket sales as well as a visit from Al Sharpton asking what the black bears got.