Bulimics are thanking Britney Spears for giving them a legitimate reason to vomit.

According to a USA Today poll, nearly every civilized nation with sensible gun restriction laws has an annual murder rate with guns lower than the USA. America has 15 thousand murders, yet we’re still glad we’re not France.

An Illinois couple bought their young daughter a Microsoft Zune media player from Wal-Mart. The gadget, they said, came preloaded with raunchy pornography. But when they went back to Wal-Mart to complain, the store manager blamed the situation on Microsoft. The couple disagreed, saying “there was nothing micro or soft about it.”

Education Secretary Margaret Spellings says she studied hard to prepare for her appearance on Celebrity Jeopardy! She came in second stating her excuses for not winning, “I didn't realize how much skill went into hitting the buzzer at just the right moment. I often hit it too early and didn't get picked to tackle a catagory."

"And the dog ate my homework."

The president of the Miss Universe Organization said Miss USA Tara Conner will not be dethroned. They released a statement saying "The Organization and Mr. Donald J. Trump will be evaluating her behavioral and personal issues”...

And by “evaluating” Trump means, repeating the bathing suit portion of the contest. And by “personal”, he means; in his personal suite at The Trump Hotel.

The finger pointing continues in Washington when reporters asked who let Kim Jong Il get the bomb? Now, were they talking Nukes or did someone send North Korea a copy of Gigli?

China’s communist party leaders promised to do more to close the country’s growing gap between their rich and poor....right after they finish construction on their golden jeweled palaces.