According to ABC News, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie were spotted together at an L.A. steakhouse.

"We're still not speaking or anything," said Nicole. "We had just both stopped in to throw up."

Angelina Jolie's new CooterCam™ transmitted its first image to DailyComedy.com today. (Special thanks to National Geographic for all their hard work.)

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad scoffed at suggestions he's anti-Semitic yesterday.

"I'm not anti-Jew," he told reporters at the UN. "I prefer to think of myself as pro-Gibson."

Rumor has it that former Spice Girl Melanie "Scary Spice" Brown is pregnant by Eddie Murphy.

Which will make this the world's first baby to be born a has-been.

Recently, an 81-year-old Florida man was stung in the heart by a stingray that leapt onto his boat. The attack was eerily reminiscent of the death of the Crocodile Hunter.

"The whole Steve Irwin thing was a public relations coup for our species," said a spokes-ray. "We're just taking advantage of the sudden buzz."

Considering Germany's track record with hydrogen-powered vehicles, I think I'll pass.

The American Public was overheard in a nail salon yesterday complaining about its Congress to a friend. Apparently, the Public was “totally fed up” with all of it.

“I’m soooo over this Congress,” said the Public. “Usually, after having the same Congress for a while, I can pick one or two Senators that I can tolerate being seen outside with. But this time I’m like “yecchh!”— the whole thing has got to go. I swear, sometimes I feel like pouring gasoline all over this Congress and tossing a match on it.”

“There’s nothing about this Congress I like anymore. I look at all these disasters and think ‘How the hell could I have voted for THAT?’ You'd think I'd have learned my lesson after my whole 1994 fiasco, but no! This is what I get for listening to all the so-called “experts.” They make you so afraid of being labeled “out of touch,”, “deluded” or “sympathizing with terrorists,” but sure enough, the whole thing becomes embarrassing in no time flat. Soon, the whole world has moved on, and there I am, stuck with a whole Congress full of losers, looking like a horse’s ass to boot.”

The Public then vowed to “clean house” in November, and get a whole new Congress. And all new shoes too.