A neuropsychologist has identified a condition where a person involuntarily “tastes” words. This appears to explain how one can be overweight yet never seem to stop talking long enough to eat.

Comedian Paul Mooney has vowed to bury the N-Word. His act will now be filled with moments of silence.

Mothers Against Drunk Driving are campaigning for all cars in the U.S. to be outfitted with breath-test interlock devices. Auto makers are 100% behind MADD and are proposing new car models such as the Soberlet Checkpoint, the Mercedes .08 BAL and the Toyota Matrix: Police State Edition.

Bush declares "Faith is what our strategy in dealing with N. Korea desperately needs. I've said this before. The Democrats just don't understand country music." Democrats responded by decrying Bush's failed "Texas Hold'em" diplomacy and called for the next Secretary of State to be Carrie Underwood.

UN Ambassador John Bolton is resigning.  Bolton will join the road production of “The Teddy Roosevelt Story” as Wilfred Brimley’s understudy.

Tracy gets another DWI and I get to show off my elbow rubbing.

A zoo in Ethopia is poisoning lion cubs because they cannot afford to keep them. The zoo released a statement that said it regrets dealing with the problem in this way, but Ethiopia is a poor desert country that has neither the bags nor the lakes needed for conventional cub disposal.

Unelected Andres Obrador swore himself in as Mexico's "legitimate" president on Monday. Most of his advisors questioned why Obrador did not aim his sights higher by instead swearing himself in as the imaginary president of a better country.

Michael Richards caused a sensation at the Laugh Factory by going into a tirade onstage and using the "N" word. Paul Rodriguez who was also on the bill told CNN that freedom of speech has it's limitations, just like his own career.

Mr. Rodriguez then waited outside the club until Mr. Richards came out and threw him under a bus.

Judith Regan defended her decision to publish OJ Simpson's new book because she, like Nicole Brown Simpson, was a victim of domestic abuse.

Apparently though, after Ms. Regan's victimization, someone re-attached her head.