(AP) June 9, 2006
After an exhaustive search for a proper venue, the Republican National Committee announced today that the 2008 Republican National Convention will be held in columnist Ann Coulter's vagina.
"We're expecting record attendance, and this newer, larger venue should accomodate overflow crowds," said RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman. "After looking at New York, Dallas and Salt Lake City, we realized we had the perfect venue right under our noses. We can't think of a better spot for promoting the republican agenda."
Coulter, the "Godless" author and popular columnist often referred to as, "The biggest c**t on the right," was more than happy to rent her vagina to the RNC. "As a strong believer in Republican values, I consider it a huge honor to host the Convention. I have already started preparing my vagina for the event—it's being sandblasted as we speak, and construction crews are at the ready. They will do a bang-up job, as I've used them before. I'm proud to say that I only use legal citizens of the United States and not undocumented Mexican workers, like so many hypocritical liberal firms."
This is not the first time Coulter's spacious moonpie has hosted a major event. Previous events held there include her 10th high school reunion and numerous conservative fundraisers, as well as many private functions with key Republican operatives.
Plans are afoot to outfit the vagina with special booths, restaurants, and meeting rooms, as well as to add an extra 23,000 seats and several additional television studios. Coulter herself will continue to be available to promote her new book, "Godless," as well as hold book readings and signings in her pussy.
US Airways has signed on as the official airline for the Convention, and has also rented out space in Coulter's vagina for hangars for several aircraft.
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