Lance Bass, when he came out, reassured us that he's a "straight-acting gay... normal guys, who like watching football and drinking beer."

And don't forget sucking cock, Lance. You can drink a keg of Old Milwaukee on the field in the middle of the Super Bowl, but once you're sucking cock, you're about as "straight-acting" as George Michael at a porn star pool party.

Now that "Snakes On A Plane" is a hit with the horror audience, Michael Moore plans to make another hit with the liberal audience called, "Snakes On Ann Coulter."

... How would you answer the phone?

For his birthday, my nephew got one of those video games where you can pretend that you are Lee Harvey Oswald and assassinate JFK in the Dallas motorcade.

I think that is absolutely outrageous.

I think you should be able to PICK the president.

Ann Coulter called me for lunch! She said, "It has to be today, because one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse is dropping out, and tomorrow I start riding lessons."

So I looked for the restaurant, and was able to find it by merely following the slime trail she leaves everywhere. When I got to the restaurant, she was sitting at a table, and she's very skinny - flies were swarming all over her - and I said hello.

She uncrossed her legs, and - faux pas - I fell in.

Thank God for the sign in her vagina that said, "You Are Here."

When I came out and scraped off the barnacles, she said, "Ready to order?"

Donald Rumsfeld is stepping down as Secretary of Defense, screaming, "If I can't play with my bomb, I'm going to go home!!!"

A new calendar put out by the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute features monthly pinups of "great conservative women" such as Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.

The subtitle of the calendar is, "Where erections go to die."

Guy Adams, a representative of a right wing organization called “Renew America,” said that the latest “trend” among gay men is sex with infants.

No, that would be Demi Moore.

Swimmer and gay athlete Daniel Veatch recently broke the world record in the 200 meter backstroke at Montreal's Out Games.

We're here, we're queer, we're talented on our backs!

When he was arrested for drunk driving, Mel Gibson said, "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world."

He then announced his next film, "Lethal Mezuzza."