A new calendar put out by the Clare Booth Luce Policy Institute features monthly pinups of "great conservative women" such as Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham.

The subtitle of the calendar is, "Where erections go to die."

Hugo Chavez, president of Venezuela, called Bush a "devil" on the floor of the UN. Where he got the idea that Bush is a devil, I have no idea.

Hayden Christensen has refused to confirm or deny rumors that he is gay, saying, "It's fun. I enjoy the speculation."

Watch for a new "Star Wars" movie starring a new character, "Darth Phyllis."

Rush Limbaugh will not be prosecuted for having someone else's prescription of Viagra at an airport. Limbaugh's lawyer, however, said that Rush actually had hoped for the stiffest sentence possible.

Rev. Ted Haggard was accused by a male hustler of paying for sex once a month for three years, and doing crystal meth, while simultaneously preaching against gay sex.

If I did all that, I'd be haggard, too.

Ann Coulter visited her gynecologist, and after putting her in the stirrups, the doctor said, "My God, that is a big pussy. That is a big pussy."

Coulter said, "You don't have to say it twice."

The doctor said, "I didn't."

A conservative "family values" group recently got video footage of a gay-rights rally held in Washington removed from a promotional video at the Lincoln Memorial, because they said it implied that Lincoln supported gay people.

Well, we know he supported the theater ...

Guy Adams, a representative of a right wing organization called “Renew America,” said that the latest “trend” among gay men is sex with infants.

No, that would be Demi Moore.

In a time of disastrous war, unemployment, unheard-of deficits, domestic spying, the erosion of church/state separation, voter fraud, and the ruin of America's reputation, Bush will hold a Rose Garden press conference to endorse the most important issue facing our nation: a constitutional amendment banning gay marriage.

Obviously, the only thing you should be allowed to have up your ass is your head.

The Vatican recently announced that it will be examining Catholic seminaries for evidence of homosexuality. They will also be examining the Atlantic Ocean for evidence of fish.