After which the White House officially changed his title to Secretary of Defensiveness.

For the past four years federal agents have secretly assigned travelers computer-generated scores rating their "terrorism risk".

Homeland Security refused to disclose their rating methods, but I'm not concerned.

Judging from my passport photo, something tells me my score is A-OK!

"...everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on.

-altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come.

Be adequite.

Lindsay Lohan."

A surprising new study finds that only one percent of web pages contain adult content.

The study also found that more than 18 percent of web pages feature that annoying ad with the people dancing on the roof.

Sighting the need for "fresh eyes" at The Pentagon, President Bush has nominated Robert Gates to replace Donald Rumsfeld as Secretary of Defense.

A look at where these eyes have been for the past 20 years: