Researchers studying 3-D images of the "Mona Lisa" say she was probably either pregnant or had just given birth when she sat for Leonardo da Vinci's 16th-century masterpiece.

Paternity tests implicated this man:

Scientists announced Monday that they have developed a high-tech T-shirt that turns the strumming of an air guitar into music.

Fat, pimply nerds everywhere rejoice, and eagerly await science's next project: the realistic vagina-glove.

"He's just not the crazy jesus freak anti-semitic weirdo i fell in love with anymore."

When 11-year-old Gus Luna was able to play one of his favorite video games while recovering from exploratory brain cancer surgery, his mother breathed a sigh of relief.

"You should have seen the smile on little Gus' face when he beat that hooker to death!"

"Those Jews are always after me lucky beard."

Germany on Thursday ordained its first rabbis since
World War II in an event hailed as a milestone in the
rebirth of Jewish life in the country responsible for
the Holocaust.

Just before the ceremony, one of the soon-to-be
rabbis said he was "excited and happy."

"They're even taking us there on a private train!"

Farmer's wife found dead.

They don't make them like FDR anymore. Now they have a cure for polio.

*Note: Do not perform this joke in front of old people. They find it very offensive. Trust me.