Recently, several people have gotten in trouble for selling access to Hezbollah TV in the US, which has banned the station after designating Hezbollah a terrorist organization.

However, I must admit that my curiosity was piqued, and after a long search I finally pointed my satellite dish in the right direction. The following are my 5 favorite Hezbollah TV shows:

5. No Deal or No Deal
4. Survivor: Beirut
3. Desperate Jihadists
2. VH1: Behind the Explosives
1. Two and a Half Jews

*Addendum- added 10/19/06:
 Today I heard Bill Maher use the No Deal or No Deal joke on Real Time, refering to an Iraqi TV show,  so don't think I stole it from him, because I wrote this at least 2 weeks ago.  Just know that I'm as funny as he is, only sooner...Tim

Barry Bonds hit his 715th homer to surpass Babe Ruth on the all-time home run list. In contrast, the guy who almost caught the prized ball, only to lose it to a guy waiting in line for hot dogs, went home and hit his wife and kids 716 times.

A severely brain-damaged woman in an unresponsive, vegetative state showed clear signs on brain imaging tests that she was aware of herself and her surroundings, researchers reported today.

When they are done studying Jessica Simpson, the researchers plan to study Anna Nicole Smith, Keith Richards and the mysterious consciousness of Paris Hilton.

"I'd like to support my new brother in arms, Cosmo Kramer, for getting our message out there, but I could never bring a title like that back to the clubhouse," junior Klansman Earl Shiflett was overheard saying to a local Blockbuster employee."Could you recommend some of his work that doesn't sound so Jewey?"

It looks as though we're going to build a fence along the Mexican/American border. Although it seems a bit isolationist and xenophobic at first glance, I think it's an opportunity to enhance our relationship with our south-of-the-border hombres. I don't believe a series of ugly, chain-link fences is necessary. Luckily, the average Mexican is fairly short, so I say a height of six feet or so should do it. I propose a fence akin to the one from Tim Allen's beloved sitcom, "Home Improvement." That way, our president (standing on a small stool) could peer over the fence and give wise, fatherly advice to our economically challenged neighbors, such as, "Look out Jose! That's a rattler! Ha ha, gotcha again my little habanero." After that, a strict policy would go into effect of only electing presidents who can see over the fence.

To be completely fair, I believe a fence should also be built on our northern border, to keep Canadians from entering the country and/or the music business.

Team celebrates by hiring strippers.

In a press release today, Michael J. Fox announced plans to battle a human embryo live on  Pay Per View, for the rights to its stem cells. 

"Apparently my shaky pleas for help are not getting through to the American public," Fox said.  "After they see me give that embryo a beat down on national television, they will understand that a Hollywood celebrity is superior to some unaccomplished fetus wannabe."

Rush Limbaugh is in talks to provide color commentary on the fight, and Fox has promised to be "off his meds" for the contest. 

Introducing...The Venetian Veil!

Wear the blinds up for complete Western assimiliation, but when those pesky morality police come poking around, simply tug, pull to the left, and presto! Instant Muslim old school.

Focus on the Family founder James Dobson withdrew Tuesday from the team overseeing counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard.

In his concession speech, Dobson said, "Haggard was much gayer than he had first assessed and combined with the meth habit... well, this supercharged homo is more than I'm trained to handle."

Dobson wished the rest of the team good luck and God speed and that there was still hope that the disgraced former pastor could be de-gayed.