New slogan: "It used to just feel like four hours. Now it really is."

A female chimpanzee in a Louisiana sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility's entire male population has had vascectomies.

Evolutionary scientists marvel at the fact that monkeys have actually proven the virgin-birth theory.

Sadly, also reveals breasts found more often in dense women.

Congressional Democratic leaders have announced that they will be holding symbolic votes on Bush’s plan to increase troop levels. Democrat leaders state that the votes will not actually change the nation’s policy: “You know, just like the rest of our votes.”

President Bush disturbed much of the nation when he announced in a speech last night that he would be sending 21,500 more Americans to Iraq.

He won them back, however, when he announced that one of the the Americans would be Britney Spears.

North Face has invented new, high-tech running shoes that can be tied simply by turning a knob.

The perfect gift for people who are too lazy to tie their own shoes, yet love exercise.

Also executed was his half-brother, Barzan Ibrahim.

Family dinner at the Hussein household probably included a lot of, "Well your brother invaded a country and killed hundreds of innocent civilians today.  What did you do?"

It's not easy being an also-hanged.