Gary Weddle told CNN that he won't shave until Osama bin Laden is captured.

His wife Tracey Weddle says she won't stop freaking men out with her weightlifting until her husband starts shaving again.

News: October 31st, 2006

A new Species of bird was discovered during the week in upstate New York. Scientists are saying it’s in a class of its own which they are now calling "Upper Class". It differs from other birds by being more right wing, flamingly homosexual and generally acting like it thinks its better than everybody else

Can be distinguished from other birds by its "Smokers Chirp"

(Not one of my best but I just cant stop laughing at this picture!) 

Below are Images of people who chill me to the bone, these captions are what they are saying to me in my mind

"Im going to shoot myself out of a cannon and into your nightmares. Then I`m gonna fuck you up"

"Of course your going to die! The rabit told me so!!"

"This wig covers my exposed worm ridden brain! Thats how I control what you do"

"You like card tricks? Heres one...AAAaaarrggh!!!!Die!!!"

"If I paralyzed you with hypnoses, which I can do by the way. This bird would eat you in a matter of weeks, but you would die and stop feeling pain near the end of the first"

I just turned Thirty today and was informed by my Roommate that in dog years I`d be dead!

I have now begun counting backwards to the below event

Colin's True Stories

I was going for a walk tonight at a local park that shall remain nameless. The local community had turned out candles in hand to take part in a memorial consisting of singers and speakers to comment upon the events of 9/11. As I walked the perimeter of the park I seen people from all walks of life pay their respects in many ways varying from utmost sincerity and deep routed sadness to joking around with the Ice-cream Salesman. I stopped on a small hill and looked down upon a sea of lights as the locals swayed their candles side to side to the singers finishing tune. Another speaker was invited up to talk to the crowd. Not being an American I was very interested in the whole event. The speaker turned to the crowd and said "We have all being effected by what happened here Five years ago today, a date that will live on, September 9th.....!!!...uuurgh, excuse me..I mean September 11^th...."

I never seen a swaying sea of lights grind to a halt before. I went home and rechecked all my appointment and bill payment dates just in case

ROOMMATES MADNESS

During my set I talk about my room mate John who is mentaly unbalanced and suffers with Alcoholism. Most people think I put up with him becuase he is a fellow Irishman. Wrong! He scares me! I want him to leave but am affraid to ask. Above is john having a costume party in the appartment, on his own......Its not even halloween, its Febuary 25th!! John has great skills such as Drinkning, playing the Bass Guitar and is a cracking shot with a Rifle. Multitasking (Drinking & Shooting) is not a skill he pocesses. Several horrificaly injured deer and other such game that survived although somewhat tramatised in upstate New York is evidence of this. 

Some animals even survived with down right embarrising injurys like a bullet hole through the ear or had a nervous breakdown 

Due to constant harassment from male fans while promoting her latest album, Beyonce Knowles has traded in her security detail for a more effective approach. She has currently hired Two Cock Blockers

Bear Bitchslaps Bush