Dane Cook book delayed until this week.

Written by Joe Wilson

LOS ANGELES (PoopyCaca.com) – Stand up comedy mega-star, Dane Cook, is joining the ranks of many comedians by publishing a book of his material, a pop-up book.

The book, titled, “There's So Many Things That I Want To Let You Guys Into My World About,” which is the opening line from Cook’s HBO special, "Vicious Circle," was initially going to be like those published by comedians such as Steve Martin, George Carlin, Ellen Degeneres and Jerry Seinfeld, a book of words. After the publisher, Random House, tested the book with focus groups, it was decided that Dane Cook’s material didn’t translate in written form without Cook’s signature physical delivery. This delayed the book going to press for several months, the release date was originally scheduled to coincide with the HBO series, “Tourgasm.”

According to Random House publicist Donna McGinty, “We didn’t want to publish a book just for Dane’s fans, we wanted anyone to pick up the book and enjoy his comedy, but words alone don’t do it justice, then we thought, hey, pop-up book!”

One of Cook’s “jokes” reads, “If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back ... If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!" In the previous version of the book in solely written form, the “joke” did not score well with focus groups, but with the addition of a series of “pop-ups” of Dane Cook as he tells the joke, the scores more than doubled.

The new version of the book, coming out later this week, features a series of “pop-ups” of Dane Cook in a variety of poses telling each of the “jokes” written on the page. McGinty explained, “This kind of comic genius, a genius enjoyed by millions of fans, can’t be captured in words alone.”

Republican Senator, Rick Santorum, giving his concession speech on election night, surrounded by his family, all wondering why God hates their dad.

Written by Joe Wilson

WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – Some have accused Democrats of gloating after the election day win of both the House and Senate and if sales of the hottest new ring tone are any indication, gloating has never been more profitable.

Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who lost to Bob Casey this past Tuesday, made a concession speech, surrounded by his wife and crying children, and now that speech is the number one selling ring tone in the country.

According to Billboard, Santorum’s ring tone speech has outsold all others, a first for a spoken word ring tone. “It’s usually musicians at the top of the list, not conservative Republicans,” said Bill Ferguson, Billboard Ring Tone Analyst.

Santorum, whose conservative, religious political positions included his argument that if gay marriage was allowed in this country, making sex with animals legal would be next, lost his bid for re-election in Pennsylvania, but sales of his ring tone speech are a national phenomenon.

“I hate that guy,” explained Cookie Williams, a hair stylist in West Hollywood, California, “I Tivo’d his speech and burnt DVD’s of it for all my friends, I’ve got a picture of him giving the speech as my screen saver and the ring tone is like a birthday present every time I get a call.”

Tickle Me Elmo’s career on children’s television may also be in the garbage.

Written by Joe Wilson

LOS ANGELES (PoopyCaca.com) – After the recent announcement of a sex tape starring Saved By The Bell’s Dustin "Screech" Diamond, another celebrity is joining the ranks of Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee, Paris Hilton, Colin Farrell, Kid Rock, and R. Kelly, Elmo of Tickle Me Elmo fame.

The tape, made prior to Tickle Me Elmo’s success and fame on Sesame Street, was recently discovered by TMZ.COM working in conjunction with investigative reporters from PoopyCaca.com. “Tickle Me Harder” shows Elmo, who is credited under with the name “El Macho,” in compromising positions with two other actors, “Jack Mo’” and “Steve.”

Publicly, Elmo made a brief statement to reporters saying only, “Elmo no like.” However, rumors that contract negotiations with the actor who plays the most popular character on Sesame Street have grown more adversarial due to exclusivity clauses, keeping Elmo from taking other roles in dramas or television shows.

Industry insiders say that the uncovering of “Tickle Me Harder” was actually orchestrated by Elmo’s management team in an effort to tarnish his image, forcing Sesame Street to release the actor from his long-term contract, allowing him to pursue other acting opportunities.

“Elmo wants out and everyone knows it,” said one prominent agent, who spoke under the condition of anonymity, “there were whispers of this video he made since the nineties and when the DVD of it goes up for sale, it will be huge, not Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson huge, but Elmo’s days on Sesame Street are numbered.”

Yet another disappointment for the Republicans, the blow up doll of Ann Coulter.

Written by Joe Wilson

ENCINO, California (PoopyCaca.com) – The vitriolic blonde, right-wing author, blogger and 9/11 widow basher, Ann Coulter, is the model for a new adult toy, a blow-up doll, which debuted on November 7th, election day, and sales have been a huge disappointment for the manufacturer.

“We thought this was shooting fish in a barrel,” said Jeff Larson, owner of the Encino based Adult Novelty Superstore. “We read the blogs, the fan sites, we know Republican guys have the hots for her, but apparently not enough to buy her doll.”

Although she never approved of the creation of the doll, Larson said there has been no contact by Coulter's representatives.

Coulter’s blow up doll was a manufacturing challenge, a direct result of her skeleton-like appearance and Adam’s apple. “We went back and forth with our manufacturer in Taiwan and trying to get the look right required a little improvising," Larson explained. “The neck is from a male blow up doll and we had to re-engineer a series of molds to get the look right, well, right for Ann that is.”

Total sales of the doll were a grand total of two, but recent news dropped that figure down to one. Chad Conrad Castagana, the man arrested earlier this week for sending threatening letters to Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Jon Stewart and Keith Olbermann, was one of the two buyers.

“I saw that story on the news and as soon as I saw the name, I knew one of the boxes I just shipped would probably be coming back. I don’t think they allow blow up dolls in prison,” Larson said.

Voters sent a signal to the politicians and, apparently, that same signal is being sent to sex toy manufacturers trying to create products attractive to Republicans.

“I can tell you the Michelle Malkin doll we had in the works won’t be introduced to the marketplace anytime soon,” Larson said.

Written by Joe Wilson

WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – After the release of the Republican National Committee campaign ad called “The Stakes,” which features al Qaeda leaders threatening attacks on the United States, the GOP has released a follow up ad that has Democrats criticizing the Republicans for their “exploitation of American’s fear of being attacked by a stingray.”

“These are the Stingrays,” shows quotes from wildlife expert, Jack Hanna, a police officer in Florida and Dive Magazine, with only the sound of a ticking clock in the background. “Just like in the war on terrorism, the reality is that our nation’s coastal states are at risk, we are not at war with a country, we are also at war with a species,” said Republican National Committee spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt.

The ad, which is scheduled to run on national news networks in all states with beaches, is seen by Democrats as, “a desperate attempt to exploit the death of the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, and the latest stingray attack on a Florida man last week. It’s aimed at scaring voters who go to the beach,” Democratic National Committee Communications Director Karen Finney said in a statement.

“These are the Stingrays,” is reminiscent of the Gerald Ford “shark attack” campaign ad that ran in 1976 as part of Ford’s efforts to beat Jimmy Carter. At that time, Democrats criticized Republicans for using the popularity of the Steven Spielberg movie, “Jaws,” to get votes.

In the “shark attack” ad, a small girl builds a sand castle at the beach, telling her mother how many children she’s going to have and what kind of house she’s going to live in. She runs into the water with a bucket and a shark fin appears in front of her, as an ominous voice tells the viewer, “Democrats want to use your tax dollars to protect wildlife, but which party will protect your children from that wildlife?”

PoopyCaca.com correspondent, Dave Dayen contributed to this story.

Mr. Spears announced he will write an autobiography so people will have a better understanding of who he is. Federline will write the book as part of a Learning Annex class he's taking called, "Autobiography Writing For Talentless Douchebags With Nothing To Say."

Evangelical leader, Ted Hagard, has announced he will go through a "spiritual restoration."

Hagard will be featured on the Christian Broadcasting Network's new makeover show, "Changing Souls."

I am a compassionate pessimist - I don't think any of this is going to work out and I'm really sorry.

Kim Jong Il waves goodbye to fans as he enters a rehabilitation facility.

Written by Joe Wilson

SEOUL, South Korea (PoopyCaca.com) – North Korean leader Kim Jong Il told a Chinese delegation that he regrets his country’s nuclear test and that it was caused, in part, by his lifelong battle with alcoholism.

Il’s lawyer, Ch'a Min-su, confirmed this statement to members of the government run media during a press conference, adding that Kim Jong Il is “a short, gay man whose was molested as a child by an atheist.”

According to Min-su, Kim Jong Il is currently in a rehabilitation facility outside of Seoul where he is being treated for alcoholism, homosexuality and his short stature.

Lee Donggyu, the atheist who molested Kim Jong Il told a reporter, “I touched him, maybe once, but it was not what you call rape or penetration. He seemed to like it.”

Donggyu will be featured on the state run reality show, “Torturing With The Stars,” which will feature North Korean celebrities torturing Donggyu over the next few weeks and then beheaded by the winner of the reality show.

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is currently meeting with Chinese officials in Bejing, said, “We have seen Pyongyang say they would adhere to agreements made with the Clinton administration and then completely ignore those agreements. I’m sorry to hear of the North Korean leader’s alcoholism, homosexuality, childhood molestation and height issues, but this administration will not directly negotiate until all nuclear activities are halted.”