Mr. Spears announced he will write an autobiography so people will have a better understanding of who he is. Federline will write the book as part of a Learning Annex class he's taking called, "Autobiography Writing For Talentless Douchebags With Nothing To Say."

Republican Senator, Rick Santorum, giving his concession speech on election night, surrounded by his family, all wondering why God hates their dad.

Written by Joe Wilson

WASHINGTON D.C. (PoopyCaca.com) – Some have accused Democrats of gloating after the election day win of both the House and Senate and if sales of the hottest new ring tone are any indication, gloating has never been more profitable.

Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, who lost to Bob Casey this past Tuesday, made a concession speech, surrounded by his wife and crying children, and now that speech is the number one selling ring tone in the country.

According to Billboard, Santorum’s ring tone speech has outsold all others, a first for a spoken word ring tone. “It’s usually musicians at the top of the list, not conservative Republicans,” said Bill Ferguson, Billboard Ring Tone Analyst.

Santorum, whose conservative, religious political positions included his argument that if gay marriage was allowed in this country, making sex with animals legal would be next, lost his bid for re-election in Pennsylvania, but sales of his ring tone speech are a national phenomenon.

“I hate that guy,” explained Cookie Williams, a hair stylist in West Hollywood, California, “I Tivo’d his speech and burnt DVD’s of it for all my friends, I’ve got a picture of him giving the speech as my screen saver and the ring tone is like a birthday present every time I get a call.”

Senator Rick Santorum's concession speech is my new ring tone.

Evangelical leader, Ted Hagard, has announced he will go through a "spiritual restoration."

Hagard will be featured on the Christian Broadcasting Network's new makeover show, "Changing Souls."

Dane Cook book delayed until this week.

Written by Joe Wilson

LOS ANGELES (PoopyCaca.com) – Stand up comedy mega-star, Dane Cook, is joining the ranks of many comedians by publishing a book of his material, a pop-up book.

The book, titled, “There's So Many Things That I Want To Let You Guys Into My World About,” which is the opening line from Cook’s HBO special, "Vicious Circle," was initially going to be like those published by comedians such as Steve Martin, George Carlin, Ellen Degeneres and Jerry Seinfeld, a book of words. After the publisher, Random House, tested the book with focus groups, it was decided that Dane Cook’s material didn’t translate in written form without Cook’s signature physical delivery. This delayed the book going to press for several months, the release date was originally scheduled to coincide with the HBO series, “Tourgasm.”

According to Random House publicist Donna McGinty, “We didn’t want to publish a book just for Dane’s fans, we wanted anyone to pick up the book and enjoy his comedy, but words alone don’t do it justice, then we thought, hey, pop-up book!”

One of Cook’s “jokes” reads, “If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back ... If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!" In the previous version of the book in solely written form, the “joke” did not score well with focus groups, but with the addition of a series of “pop-ups” of Dane Cook as he tells the joke, the scores more than doubled.

The new version of the book, coming out later this week, features a series of “pop-ups” of Dane Cook in a variety of poses telling each of the “jokes” written on the page. McGinty explained, “This kind of comic genius, a genius enjoyed by millions of fans, can’t be captured in words alone.”

Kim Jong Il waves goodbye to fans as he enters a rehabilitation facility.

Written by Joe Wilson

SEOUL, South Korea (PoopyCaca.com) – North Korean leader Kim Jong Il told a Chinese delegation that he regrets his country’s nuclear test and that it was caused, in part, by his lifelong battle with alcoholism.

Il’s lawyer, Ch'a Min-su, confirmed this statement to members of the government run media during a press conference, adding that Kim Jong Il is “a short, gay man whose was molested as a child by an atheist.”

According to Min-su, Kim Jong Il is currently in a rehabilitation facility outside of Seoul where he is being treated for alcoholism, homosexuality and his short stature.

Lee Donggyu, the atheist who molested Kim Jong Il told a reporter, “I touched him, maybe once, but it was not what you call rape or penetration. He seemed to like it.”

Donggyu will be featured on the state run reality show, “Torturing With The Stars,” which will feature North Korean celebrities torturing Donggyu over the next few weeks and then beheaded by the winner of the reality show.

U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, who is currently meeting with Chinese officials in Bejing, said, “We have seen Pyongyang say they would adhere to agreements made with the Clinton administration and then completely ignore those agreements. I’m sorry to hear of the North Korean leader’s alcoholism, homosexuality, childhood molestation and height issues, but this administration will not directly negotiate until all nuclear activities are halted.”

She's thrown her hat into the race for Mother of the Year.

In the unabriged version, you can hear him say, "Who hath made man’s mouth? Or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the blind? Have not I, the mother fucking Lord? "