I did not write this. I am just reprinting a favorite Net tale.
Exodus, starring the Three Stooges
Chapter 1
Israel Multiplies.
Moses born;
he befriends two Hebrews
1 And the Egyptians compelled the sons of Israel to labor rigorously.
2 And the sons of Israel were fruitful, and increased greatly, and became ex-
ceedingly mighty.
3 So Pharaoh commanded his people to throw every newborn son into the
Nile.
4 And one day Pharaoh's daughter found a basket containing a child
among the reeds of the river. And she had pity on him and said, "This
is one of the Hebrews' children."
5 And she took the child, and raise him, and called him Moses.
6 And one day, when Moses had grown up, he went out to his brethren and
looked on their hard labors. And he beheld two Hebrews fighting wih
each other, and he said to them: "Cut the rumpus or I'll moida the both of
yah!"
7 And the offender, a squat man with a high voice, said, "You don't scare
me!" And he stuck out his tongue and said, "Nyaaaaa!"
8 And Moses grabbed his tongue, and he twisted it, and he pulled him
several yards by it.
9 And the other Hebrew - a man with a raspy voice and strange hair -
laughed mightily. And Moses smote <him> on the head
10 Then Moses poked their eyes and knocked their heads together.
11 Now these are the names of the Hebrews whom Moses did befriend :
12 Curly, son of Asher and Prancer, brother of Punch and Judah, first
cousin to E. Gad, and distant descendant of Ramses of Los Angeles.
13 Larry, son of Hirah and Hooray, Pokus, and cousin of Esau, Ecame,
and Econquered.
14 And both had come from the districts of Midian, Midian-rare,
and Midian-well.
Chapter 2
The Boining bush
1 Now Moses, Larry, and Curly set up a business wherein they sold their
services for pasturing other Hebrew's flocks.
2 And one day when they were shearing sheep, when Curly by accident
sheared off some of Larry's hair, Larry grew angry, and lunged for him,
but Moses bade them stop, and smote them both on the head.
3 And Moses sat down, but upon the shears that Curly had left beneath
him, and Moses screamed, and he said, "Why, I'll break your heads!" And he
chased them into the field.
4 And there the angel of the Lord appeared to them in a blazing fire from
the midst of a bush.
5 And Curly said, "Ooh, look! A boining bush! Nyuk-nyuk!"
6 And Moses said, "Quiet, you lame-
brain!" and smote him on the head.
7 And then them became frightened,
and turned to run, and the Lord saw,
and he called to them from the midst
of the bush, saying, "Hey, Moses!
Hey Larry! Hey, Curly!"
8 And they said, "Nyah-ah-ah-ah!"
9 And the Lord said, "Do not come
near here; remove your sandals from
your feet, for the place on which
you stand is holy ground."
10 And Larry said, "I'll say it is!
And look at all them rocks, too!"
11 And Curly laughed, and Moses
smote them on the head.
12 And the Lord said, "I have seen
the oppression of my people by the
Eqyptians. Therefore, to bring the
sons of Israel out of Eqypt, I will
send ... you!"
13 And they were unsure as to who
"you" was.
14 And Moses looked at Larry, and
Larry looked at Curly, and Curly -
who saw he had no one to to look
at - trembled and clicked his teeth
loudly.
15 And Moses said, "Which `you' do
You mean?"
16 And the Lord said, "You!"
17 And Moses said, "I?"
18 And Larry said, "Aye!"
19 And Curly said, "Aye-aye!" and
the three Hebrews began saluting each
other vigorously.
20 And the Lord said, "Cut it out!"
and they did, and He continued,
"Now go and gather the elders of
Israel together, and say to them,
`The Lord has appeared to us, saying
He will bring you out of Eqypt and
into the land of Cannan - a land
overflowing with sweets!'"
21 And Curly said, "Ooh! A candy
Cannan! Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!" And Moses
smote him in the stomach, and Curly
bent over and Moses smote him on
the head.
Chapter 3
Hebrews given powers.
1 And Larry said, "What if they don't
listen to us, or vicey-versey?"
2 And the Lord said, "They will. Now,
hold out your left hand,"
3 And Larry said to Curly, "Which one
is my left hand?" And Curly said,
"That one." And Larry said, "So how
do I know which one is my right hand?"
and Curly said, "Why, that's easy!
The one that's left! Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!"
4 And Moses poked them both in the
eyes.
5 And the Lord said to Larry, "Now,
what is that in your hand?"
6 And Larry looked, and said, "Why,
nothin'."
7 And the Lord said, "Not that one,
you nitwit! The other one!"
8 And Larry said, "Oh!" and looked
and said, "Why a staff!" And the
Lord said, "Throw it on the ground."
And Larry threw it on the ground
and it bounced up and hit Moses on
the head and stuck in his nose.
9 And Moses pulled the staff from
his nose, and Larry said, "I didn't
mean it, Moses! Honest, I didn't!"
10 And Moses said, "Of course you
didn't", and hit him on the head
with the staff.
11 And the staff became a serpent
and Moses said, "Nyah-ah-ah-ah! and
dropped it and it slithered up Curly's
robe, and Curly said, "Wooo woo woo
woo woo woo!" And he fell to the
ground and spun his body wildly in a
circle.
12 And Moses and Larry lifted him
and shook him and the staff fell to the ground.
13 And the Lord said, "This wonder
shall help you convince the sons of
Israel of the word of the Lord."
14 But Moses pleaded and said, "Please,
Your Majestic High-upness! We ain't
never been eloquential. Every time it
comes to woids, it's ixnay on the
voibage, if you know what I mean!"
15 Then the Lord became angry, and
said, "Who made man's mouth? Who makes
him blind? Who makes him deaf? And,
indicating Curly, He said, "Who makes
him dumb?
16 "Is it not I, the Lord?!"
17 And they saw His anger and they
said, "Nyah-ah-ah-ah!" And they bowed
down, bumping their heads together
loudly.
18 And the Lord said, "Go, then, and
perform this wonder before the sons
of Israel. Then go to Pharaoh, and
say, 'Let my people go, so they may
soive - I mean serve - Me!"
19 So Moses, Larry, and Curly assembled
all the elders and the sons of Israel,
and in their sight the staff became a
serpent, and crawled up Curly's robe,
and he danced wildly.
2
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