Conagra Foods is surprisingly unapolagetic after last nights explosion at a Slim Jim factory in North Carolina, stating that every employee was made aware of the explosive flavor of Slim Jims.

I've had airlines lose my bags, but with today's technology, how do you lose a whole  airplane with 228 people on board.

Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Ed McMahon all show up in heaven on the same day and Saint Peter greets them at the pearly gates, first he sees Farrah and he says, "Tell me what you did with your life."

Farrah says, "I never really did anything all that worthy, I was a TV and movie Actress."

Peter takes out the 1976 Poster of Farrah in the red bikini and he says, "This poster touched many young males in the 70s and 80s and helped guide them through adolescence... That's enough."

Next Michael comes up and Peter asks him, "What have you done worthwhile in your life?"

Having overheard Farrah he answers Peter by saying that he too had touched many young males in the 70's and 80s.

Peter takes out the 1982 "Thriller" album and says, "This album has sold more copies than any other album in the history of music. It went on to change music and inspire countless artists... that's enough."

Ed's next in line, and Peter asks him, "Well Ed, What have you done with your life?"

Ed figures he's a shoe in. He says I entertained millions on The Johnny Carson Show and TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes, I was a philanthropist and gave to charity. I was a good man.

 Peter takes out a publisher's clearing house envelope with Ed's picture on it and you may already be a winner scrawled across it.

 Peter says, "I must have collected thosands of these over the years... THAT'S ENOUGH!"

And that's how Ed ended up in hell.

The Chinese Military has begun using Segway Scooters.

I think it's a bad idea to have an army that can be immobilized by building a six inch curb.

Ayatollah Khamenei is so angry with all his blah, blah blah American Infadels... blah blah blah... nuclear arms... blah blah blah... Holocaust never happened, but I still find myself wanting to climb into his lap and tell him what I want for Christmas.

Walter Cronkite had been suffering with Dimentia for the last few years and when he would tell his family wild stories they would try to calm him by telling him that they didn't really happen.

This enraged Walter  and he would bellow, YOU'RE going to tell me the way it is! I CREATED that's the way it is.

Walter Cronkite died at home on Friday due to complications caused by all the Michael Jackson news coverage.

 And that's the way it was on July 17th 2009.

Neo-Nazi group adopt-a-highway in Missouri promising to make it the cleanest, whitest, most supreme patch of highway in the state.

State renames road after WWII Rabbi who escaped Nazis saying, "hah, take that Neo-Nazis."

An angry mob in Philadelphia chased and beat an accused child rapist with an 8 foot long two by four.

Every time they hit him candy flew out.  The angry mob assumed that he either used the candy to lure children...

Or, he was a Pinata.

I always get the Bacon Brothers confused.So I made myself this cheat sheet:

Kevin N. Bacon - Actor

Michael A. Bacon - Musician

Chris P. Bacon - Delicious

The 2009 Global Peace Index rated New Zealand the most peaceful nation in the world.

The United States rated a dissapointing 83rd.

I think the US should make efforts to move up the list.  This year we're 83, but if we take out New Zealand...

Next year we could be 82.