Legendary drug-abusing rocker Ozzy Osbourne claims he passed the test and will receive his first ever driver's license!! While he's at it, the Oz-Man should also get his pilot's certificate... then he truly could be "Flying High Again"..

What's the difference between a patio and Christian Bale? A patio is often called a deck..Christian Bale is often called a dick..

The Somali Pirate situation appears to be at a standstill...I heard that contact lens maker Accuvue is offering the pirates a new sailboat in exchange for the kidnapped captain...People are referring to this as the "Sailine Solution"...

Disgraced Wall Street investment banker Bernie Madoff has inked a deal with director Steven Spielberg for an upcoming tell-all movie exposing all the people Madoff has ripped off.

The film's tentative title...."Swindler's List"

What does the late actor "Marlon Brando" and a "Black Hole" have in common?
At one time they were both bright, shining stars until they collapsed under their own weight..

Tennis star Andy Roddick married longtime girlfriend and SI swimsuit model Brooklyn Decker over the weekend.. Andy said he had been smitten with Brooklyn ever since she was in high-school... Wow, that's what I call "15-Love"...

Pop-princess Britney Spears is turning to gardening as a form of therapy. She is excelling at her new hobby. In fact; according to TMZ... "Britney is putting the 'hor' back in horticulture.."

What's the difference between Barack Obama and Jesus?

At least Jesus could put together a cabinet.

Italian auto group FIAT will be taking over Chrysler now...Can you remember the last time you saw a FIAT on an American road? They spent most of the time inside repair shops... In fact, I grew up thinking FIAT stood for Fix It Again Tony!!

I heard rapper "50 Cent" is heading out on tour soon.....

No truth to the rumor he's keeping with the theme and bringing along up-and-coming hip-hop artist's  "State Quartazz",  "Miss Susan B. Anthony with the Silva Certificates", or "Sacagawea Dolla featuring  Lil' Wheat Penny"....