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Charlie Hatton "If you don't stop to smell the roses now, they might end up on you."
Watertown, MA
     
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Charlie Hatton is an overzealous blogger and aspiring standup comedian offering smart, sophisticated humor about life, language, and the size of his naughty bits. Not necessarily in that order.Charlie lives in the Boston area, and spends most of his daylight hours stuffed in a cubicle, where he's less likely to bump into anything expensive or upset the neighbors. At thirty-six, he's due for aother midlife crisis any day now.In between begging for stage time, sobbing quietly in his car, and needlessly [more]
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...now that Pluto's been shitcanned. First, a few from the sun outward:
Milli Vanilli 'Entertainment' Makes Joe Satriani Upchuck Noisily
Most Vampires Enjoy Moo Juice Sucking, Unlike Nosferatu
Molestation Vote Expected; Michael Jackson Shuts Up Neverland
Muddy Vixens Entertain Men Jiggling Singles Under Noses
Militant Vietnamese's Excellent Mary Jane Soothes United Nations
More Viewers Expect 'Malfunction'; Janet Says, 'Uh... No'
Maxed-out Visa Explained; Mexican Jailbait Stripper Uncovered Nethers
My Valet Enjoys Masturbation; Jetta Stains Unbelievably Nasty
And now, a few heading toward that big white ball in the sky (and no, I'm not talking about Tom Arnold's ass on a ladder):
Nosy Uncle Sam Just Might Eavesdrop Voice Mails
Nonstop Unfettered Sausage Jerking Might Eradicate Vision, Man!
Newman Unhands Seinfeld's Junior Mints; Elaine Voraciously Munches
Naughty Uncensored Sex Jokes Make Embarassed Virgins Mad
'NattyLight' Usually Satisfies Jesus; Moses Expects Vodka Martinis
Nubile Uninhibited Swedes Jumpstart My Engines Very Much
News: Uptight Star Jones Messily Eats Van Morrison!
Never Underestimate Strip Joint's Most Entertaining Virtue: Mammaries
Who says astronomy can't be fun? If just one kid in kindergarten learns the planets with one of these aids, then I'll have done my job. I'll be going to jail, most likely, but I'll have done my job. I'm just trying to give back.
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"I-19."
"G-53."
"B-2."
"BIG! I spelled B-I-G!"
"It's BINGO, Mrs. Brown. Not BIG. Keep playing. O-70."
"GOBI! GOBI over here!"
"I'm sorry, no."
"It's a desert! I'm not making it up this time!"
"It is a desert, yes. But it's not BINGO. O-68."
"B-*sigh*. B-14."
"BOOB! BOOB! B-O-O-B, boooooob!"
"Mr. Reynolds, no. And let go of Mrs. Harrison's shawl. We've discussed this. N-37."
"Nothing? No one has a bingo yet? G-55."
"I-22. Anyone?"
"N-44?... Meh. Fine, what have you got?"
"I got a BOOG." "BIGGIO?" "BOOBING! BOOBING! BOOBING!" "CHECKMATE! King me already, ya mensch, ya." "GIBBON!"
"Close enough, GIBBON it is. Extra applesauce for Mrs. Graham tonight. Can we watch Jeopardy now?"
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