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Julia Gorin is editor of the newly released book Clintonisms: The Amusing, Confusing and Suspect Musing of Billary. She is also the third-most recognizable name in politically conservative stand-up comedy. In addition to being profiled in the 2005 book South Park Conservatives, Julia's jokes were featured in the definitely non-conservative Penthouse magazine. Her jokes are among the "1,500 Best Jokes Ever Told" in Penguin Group's Complete Idiot's Guide to Jokes. When she isn't writing jokes or taking [more]
Frank James says:
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Apparently, "Robert Bork" is so hopelessly conditioned that he doesn't realize no one is forcing him to read your material--material which he, obviously, could never create or fully comprehend.
It is sad when rabbits attempt to roar.
You're brilliant.
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Robert Bork says:
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Julia it's called Daily COMEDY. Try posting something funny next time, not a fart that came out of your head.
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Warm and Fuzzy, Palestinian Style
In a rare mainstream media report on the trend of loveable children's TV characters in Gaza and the West Bank exhorting children to kill and maim Jews, it seems the elusive, legendary, bloodsucking creature of Latino lore, "El Chupacabra", has been sighted, and confirmed:
TV bunny rouses Gaza kids
A man-sized talking rabbit appeared on television in Gaza [recently] to denounce Danish newspapers over cartoons of the Prophet Mohammad that offended Muslims.
The latest in a line of cartoon-inspired characters that take the message of the Hamas Islamist movement to Palestinian children, the actor in the Bugs Bunny-style outfit also railed against "Zionist filth" and Israel's control of Jerusalem.
Aha! So the Chupacabra is an Arabic rabbit, or an Arabbit.
"We will liberate al-Aqsa mosque from the Zionists' filth," said Assud, whose name means Little Lion...
Aha! So el Chupacabra is a cross between an Arabbit and a lion. Indeed, there is much scientific speculation on what kind of cross-breed the Chupacabra is -- whether it's a cross between a dog and a pig, or a rabbit and a dog, but apparently the type indigenous to the Palestinian territories is a cross between a rabbit, a lion and an Arab. Here are some varying artistic representations of chupacabras, as well as photos of some suspected chupacabras, which suck the blood of pets and livestock, much like Assud does to Jews, considered by the natives to be livestock:
Story on this find here.
At last we have solved the mystery: the terrorizing Chupacabra is Palestinian. Sorry, Puerto Rico. Back to Assud:
Though some parents are uneasy about the show's message it has proved popular with children, not only in Hamas-controlled Gaza but also in the Israeli-occupied West Bank. One girl called Rasha said she was phoning in from Bethlehem, near Jerusalem: "Who has sabotaged the world if not the Zionist plans?" she sang down the line to the studio in Gaza. Dancing and singing along, Assud the rabbit chimed in: "They have bombarded us."
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Amputee Beauty Pageant Crowns Miss Landmine 2008
She has beauty, brains and soon a new prosthetic leg. Agusta Urica, 31, was crowned the world's first Miss Landmine Wednesday in Luanda, Angola, beating out 17 other women who've lost limbs to landmines in this African nation still struggling with the vestiges of a 20-year civil war.
Muslim clerics around the globe denounced this infidel-style parade of flesh, and vowed that participants would be punished by amputation or explosion.
In related news, a typically overzealous pageant mom was arrested after it was discovered she cut her own daughter's foot off to qualify her for the competition.
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The University of Michigan at Dearborn is among a dozen or so universities and colleges across the country that will be providing Muslim students with foot baths.
Next to the foot baths, the universities will be providing Muslim students with rim jobs.
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Spitzer Linked to SECOND Prostitution Ring
The ex-governor regularly patronized Wicked Models, the Manhattan-based operation taken down Tuesday...At the center of the new ring is Kristin "Billie" Davis, a busty bottle blonde who hails from a rough-and-tumble California trailer park. She has a reputation for hard-partying, shameless self-promotion and a rumored 10,000-name-long client list.
Reacting to Kristin No. 2, Spitzer call girl "Kristen" Dupre was shocked, reportedly exclaiming, "I can't believe he cheated on me with that!"
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The NY Post reports that Spitzer's "Kristen," or Ashley Alexandra Dupre, has already made an estimated $200,000 from online music downloads of her two songs. In addition, Hustler and Penthouse have started a bidding war for her at $1 million, adult-film producers "Kick Ass Pictures" said they'd pay her as much to star in a movie, Georgi Vodka offered Dupre six figures to be their cover girl, and Ashley is very upset.
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Meet Dara and Sara, Iran's answer to Ken and Barbie.
The Muslim dolls have been developed by a government agency to promote traditional values, with their modest clothing and pro-family backgrounds...Toy seller Masoumeh Rahimi welcomed the dolls, saying Barbie was "foreign to Iran's culture" because some of the buxom, blonde dolls have revealing clothing..."I think every Barbie doll is more harmful than an American missile," Ms Rahimi said.
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The siblings help each other solve problems and turn to their loving parents for guidance.
The children are supposed to be eight years old, young enough under Islamic law for Sara to appear in public without a headscarf.
Great. So the only Iranians allowed to get aroused in public are the pedophiles.
...Another toy seller, Mehdi Hedayat, said: "Dara and Sara are strategic products to preserve our national identity. And of course, it is an answer to Barbie and Ken, which have dominated Iran's toy market."
Let me see if I have this straight. Dara and Sara are the Iranian Barbie and Ken? What is the mullahs' penalty for incest? Those aren't her eyes he's looking at:
 
Aw, look -- Dara and Sara couldn't compete with Ken and Barbie. What a surprise:
Iran introduced its own competing dolls -- the twins Dara and Sara -- who were designed to promote traditional values with their modest clothing and pro-family stories. But the dolls proved unable to stem the Barbie tide.
Note to the murderously pious: Get a grip. Even God likes to see a little skin here and there. Recall his answer to Ken and Barbie: Adam and Eve.
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Political comedienne Julia Gorin's new humor book, Clintonisms: The Amusing, Confusing, and Suspect Musing of Billary, has hit bookstores across the nation, answering once and for all: Do the Clintons feel our pain, or do they cause it?
Dating back to the 1960s and through both their runs for the highest office in the land, CLINTONISMS juxtaposes Hillary and Bill’s (Billary’s) own words with comedic pre-punchlines, providing a hilarious, ironic, surprising and shocking ride through four decades of the most controversial political couple in American history.
Learn what it was like for Bill and Chelsea to go through puberty together, whether Socks the Cat will be re-adopted to the position of First Prop, and why the Clintons insist on pedigree dogs when they all end up the same in the end. Flat.
Enjoy these excerpts from what's being called the handbook to the 'sport' of Clinton:
ISN’T THAT CALLED A DICTATORSHIP?
“Bill and I didn’t come to Washington to do business as usual and compromise.” -- Hillary Clinton
OH WELL
“Politics gives guys so much power that they tend to behave badly around women. And I hope I never get into that.” -- Bill Clinton, as a student, to a female acquaintance
TELL THAT TO MOTHER TERESA
“The only way to make a difference is to acquire power.” -- Hillary Clinton, in her senior year of college
SOMETHING EVERY LITTLE GIRL NEEDS
“I am a Cubs fan, but I needed an American League team…so as a young girl, I became very interested and enamored of the Yankees.” –Hillary Clinton
KEEPIN’ IT UNREAL
“It feels like coming home.” – Bill Clinton, while strolling through Harlem, February 2001
OR ON ME
“My husband may have his faults, but he has never lied to me.” – Hillary Clinton
IL(GOTTEN )LOGIC
“If we did something improper, then how come we lost money?” – Hillary Clinton
I’M JUST SAYIN’
“The 22nd Amendment should probably be modified to say two consecutive terms instead of two terms for a lifetime.” – Bill Clinton
I’M STILL JUST SAYIN’
“There may come a time when we have elected a president at age 45 or 50 and then 20 years later the country comes up with the same sort of problems the president faced before, and the people would like to bring that man or woman back.” – Bill Clinton, speech at the John F. Kennedy Library and Museum, Boston, May 28, 2003
BESIDES, HIS SEX LIFE IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS
“He ministers to troubled people all the time… If you knew his mother you would understand.” – Hillary Clinton, to Sidney Blumenthal, about Bill’s relationship with Monica Lewinsky
YEAH, WE KNOW
“I may not have been the greatest president, but I’ve had the most fun eight years.” – Bill Clinton
IS THAT WHY THEY'RE BEST FRIENDS?
“Every time [George H. W.] Bush talks about trust it makes chills run up and down my spine. The way he has trampled on the truth is a travesty of the American political system.” – Bill Clinton, October 28, 1992
THEY DO TRAVEL IN PACKS
“Buddy, the dog, came along to keep Bill company. He was the only member of our family who was still willing to.” – Hillary Clinton, referring to their Martha’s Vineyard retreat after Bill’s grand jury testimony, Living History
YOU FIRST
“Get tested, tested, tested.” – Bill Clinton, advice concerning AIDS
I WOULD STAND INSTEAD
“I promised myself when I left the presidency that I would not spend one day sitting and moping and wishing I was still president.” – Bill Clinton, to Fortune magazine
Julia Gorin is among the most recognized names in conservative political comedy. Her TV credits include Bill Maher’s “Politically Incorrect”, “Fox ‘n Friends”, “Hannity & Colmes”, “The Big Story w/John Gibson.” She has been a guest on countless national radio programs, and a repeat guest on the BBC World Radio, NPR and Voice of America networks.
In 2005, Julia was profiled in the book South Park Conservatives, and her humor was featured in Penthouse magazine the same year. Julia’s jokes are among the “1,500 Best Jokes Ever Told” in Penguin Group’s Complete Idiot’s Guide to Jokes and her comedy has been featured in NY Times, NY Post, NY Daily News, Hustler magazine, Razor magazine, Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Wall St. Journal, NY Sun, NY Press, Baltimore Sun, NY Observer, Washington Times, Orange County Register, the Palm Beach Post, Minneapolis Star-Tribune and the National Journal’s Hotline.
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Dolly Parton's breasts may be two of the wonders of the entertainment world, but the country music icon says they are a pain in her back. Parton, 62, said on Monday she would postpone her upcoming North American tour after doctors told her to take it easy for six to eight weeks to rest her sore back.
You heard right. Dolly Parton is officially on breast rest.
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So NY Governor and family man Eliot Spitzer is facing an indictment for his patronage of a prostitute. Well no wonder he wanted to allow drivers' licenses for illegal immigrants. How else are they going to traffic in the sex slaves?
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