New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg has announced that Bill and Hillary Clinton will have the honor of pushing the button that lowers the Times Square New Year's Eve Ball. According to CBS News, this year's ball "is double the size of previous balls and is covered in 2,668 Waterford Crystals...Organizers of the New Year’s Eve party say the bigger, brighter ball will remain in place all year atop the building at 1 Times Square to celebrate other holidays including Valentine’s Day, the Fourth of July and Halloween."

Imagine it — Bill in full glory! He’s used to lowering balls onto people’s faces, but only one person at a time. Tonight he’ll have a whole city looking up as his ball descends on them. And twice the size of most balls, naturally.

The honor is equally apropos for Hillary who, many have speculated over the years, has at least one ball. One presumes this won’t be the last ball dropped by the new secretary of state.

As for staying with us beyond New Year’s Eve -- through Valentine’s Day, Fourth of July, Halloween -- apparently this ball, unlike any New Year's ball before it, just won’t go away. When 2009 is finally over, there it’ll be again, making another grand entrance, for the dawning of yet another Clinton year — I mean ball year. It’s the ball for all seasons, the all-purpose ball — just like the all-purpose Clintons, those trick candles that just won’t go out, but stay with us for ever and ever…

From the AP:

Scott Craig, a fifth-grade teacher at Independence Charter School in Philadelphia, had no problem requesting and being granted the day off. So many of the school's 60 teachers were eager to show support for gay rights they had to make sure enough stayed behind to staff classrooms.

Teachers? Eager to show support for gay rights? More like they were eager to take yet another day off from work.

 From the Toronto Star:

[A] Canadian Human Rights Tribunal heard two weeks of testimony from eight mosque members alleging “Islamophobia” at [UPS's] west Toronto plant...The eight women, who lost their jobs at UPS, say Islam dictates that they wear a full-length skirt for modesty. The courier company insists that any skirt be knee-length for safety, as workers climb ladders up to 6 metres high.

Under their skirt, the women wear full-length trousers but say they do not want the lower part showing in case the shape of the calf can be discerned.

If they don’t want the shape of their calves to be discernable, I recommend Twinkies.

Plant must pay $365,000 to Muslims fired for walking off job

MINNEAPOLIS — Under a settlement to a federal lawsuit, up to 100 Somali Muslims who are current or former workers at Gold’n Plump Inc. will receive a total of $365,000.
…
The U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission filed lawsuits against St. Cloud-based Gold’n Plump and the Work Connection Inc., an employment agency in St. Paul, which handled some hiring for the plant.

Under the settlement, Gold’n Plump agreed to pay $215,000 to workers who were terminated for taking prayer breaks.

The Work Connection will pay $150,000 to workers who were asked to sign a form acknowledging that they might be required to handle pork, which many Muslims consider unclean….

The Duggar Family of Arkansas just had their 18th child and are ready for more. A poll next to the AP article about the birth asks: “Should the Duggars have more kids?”

Given that this is what we’re up against —

I’d say yes. Definitely.

With Obama's appointments consisting of the old Clinton cabinet and administration, at least we won't have to learn any new names when they get into legal trouble again.

Ah, "experience."

Barack Obama recently apologized for joking that Nancy Reagan held seances in the White House. In fact, she had consulted astrologers for her husband's schedule, whereas Hillary Clinton did engage in imaginary conversations with Eleanor Roosevelt through a spiritual adviser, something that Newsweek referred to as a "seance."

Maybe if everyone stopped joking about seances and actually held one, we could figure out how to run the country.

After Barack Obama won the presidential election, al-Qaeda second-in-command Ayman al-Zawihiri cautioned Muslims to not get too excited, since it still doesn't mean the end of America.

Michael Jackson recently converted to Islam. Which means that now he can molest children legally.

Planned Parenthood Issues Christmas Gift Certificates

Press release: "Looking for an unusual, yet practical gift this holiday season? Planned Parenthood of Indiana (PPIN) is now offering gift certificates for services or the recipient's choice of birth control method. The gift certificates are also a wonderful idea for that person in your life who puts everyone else first."

Except for that baby, of course.

So this holiday season, give the gift of death. After all, no time of year is too cheery to get some killing done. One wonders if Dr. Kevorkian is running any specials.