Proctor-Silex, maker of the world's best toasters, is getting into the automobile industry.  The first cars have rolled off the assembly line, look great, and get 35 miles to the gallon.  The only downside so far is that they pop you out of your seat every 8 minutes.  

...Ozzie Guillen will join the Fox sports network as on-air commentator during the World Series.  However, Guillen will be on a 7-profanity delay.   

...coming soon from the ATT store, the Vibrator App for your mobile phone.  Cost for this app is only $59.00hhhhhhhhhhhh.  

...Invent Tech, a leading invention patent company, has listed the 3 dumbest inventions ever.  The 3rd dumbest invention is the Spartees' Five-Day Live-In Diaper Suit, followed by the Flowbee Haircutting System.  The dumbest invention of all time remains Paris Hilton's invention of solar-powered windshield wipers.  

Hasbro has announced 2 new versions of the popular board game Clue.  First is Clue: Secrets & Spies, an updated version of the original game.  The 2nd is Clue: Less, where Paris Hilton tries to find her way around her mansion. 

...an Oregon mayoral election went to a runoff after neither Warren Nate nor Charles Lever emerged with a majority of the votes. In the runoff,  neither candidate got the required 50% of the vote, so the city council chose the next mayor. By a 6-3 margin, Warren Nate was chosen mayor.  Outgoing mayor Ronald Vorhees was pleased with the selection, saying "Better Nate than Lever."

...Dina Lohan has begun selling her own line of footwear, with the design emphasis being of mid-eastern style.  The shoes are very stylish, reasonably priced, and can be thrown at a president with remarkable ease & comfort.  

...retailers are reporting that the 3 most popular Halloween costumes for 2009 are Harry Potter, Star Trek, and the Bernie Madoff.  The Bernie Madoff costume kit comes with 3 flies which you put on your shoulder and then go as a piece of shit.  

...Amy Winehouse spent roughly $14 million on partying while on a 7 month stay in St. Lucia.  Most of the money went to pay for drugs & alcohol, new clothes, and her next 3 re-hab stays.  

...Police have arrested a suspect after 3 boys were found shot to death on a basketball court.  The suspect was charged with first degree murder and assessed a double technical foul.