...Carrie Prejean has been stripped of the Miss California title...the remainder of her term will be filled by 1st runner-up, Adam Lambert. 

...amid reports of corruption and voter fraud, the UN has sent a delegation to Kabul to verify the Afghanistan elections results.  The UN council found no evidence of tampering or voter fraud and have certified Hamid Karzai as the winner with approximately 115% of the vote. 

...president-elect barack obama has announced that he will honor george bush's accomplishments by putting his face on the $10 food stamp. 

...kansas wheat farmer glenn gilbert awoke to find both his wife and only tractor missing from his farm....detectives believe the two disappearances are connected, as police have found both a dear John and a John Deere letter. 

...Pepsi Cola Company will begin distributing a new soft drink that contains Viagra.  The new drink will be called "Mount and Do." 

...retailers are reporting that the 3 most popular Halloween costumes for 2009 are Harry Potter, Star Trek, and the Bernie Madoff.  The Bernie Madoff costume kit comes with 3 flies which you put on your shoulder and then go as a piece of shit.  

...Paris Hilton has filed suit against the National Enquirer after a reporter called her a "shithead".  Hilton then immediately filed suit claiming "defecation of character." 

...2 medical marijuana clubs in Oakland, CA were broken into and robbed of their inventory.  Police have no suspects.  Operators of the clubs believe the robberies are connected and are launching a joint investigation. 

...Yoko Ono has stated that she will never marry again or date.  She said she is quite content in an Onogamous relationship.