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Steve Knowles
Steve Knowles
"I didn't think telling just one joke at my aunt's funeral was crossing the line"

Beacon, NY

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Biography
I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

Steve Knowles says:

You suck!

(I heckle myself when I'm bored)
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Mona Lisa as a standup comic
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Steve Knowles
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Hannah Montana: Role Model for Teens?

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Jan 8, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Miley Cyrus

34 Jokes

Miley Cyrus, the 15-year-old star of the "Hannah Montana" television show, is considered a role model for teens.

My question is, which will come first: being arrested for DUI, getting pregnant, or being photographed without wearing panties?

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Steve Knowles
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'World's shortest man' comes of age in Nepal

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Oct 15, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Parents

1208 Jokes  31 Videos

Khagendra Thapa Magar from Nepal, thought to be the world's smallest living man at just 22 inches (56 centimetres), has turned 18 and now hopes to be officially recognised for his record size.

His mother was shocked last year when she found copies of "Play Gnome" magazine under his bed.


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Steve Knowles
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Famous Hijacker's Parachute Found?

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 27, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Seattle

52 Jokes  1 Videos

SEATTLE - A parachute which may have belonged to the famous hijacker D.B. Cooper, who jumped from a plane in 1971, was found in southwest Washington state.

His luggage, however, is still missing.

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Steve Knowles
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Mag Tells Miley Cyrus to Buckle Up

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Feb 12, 2008
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Miley Cyrus

34 Jokes

YONKERS, N.Y. (AP) - Buckle up, Hannah Montana! In a blog item posted Monday, Consumer Reports magazine says 15-year- old superstar Miley Cyrus, who plays Hannah Montana on television, is seen in her new movie riding without a seat belt in the back seat of a Range Rover.

They added that sex in the back seat, while buckled up, can be quite difficult.

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Steve Knowles
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Internet addiction center opens in US

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Sep 3, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Microsoft

35 Jokes  3 Videos

FALL CITY, Wash. (AP) - The center, called ReSTART, is somewhat ironically located near Redmond, headquarters of Microsoft and a world center of the computer industry. It opened in July and for $14,000 offers a 45-day program intended to help people wean themselves from pathological computer use, which can include obsessive use of video games, texting, Facebook, eBay, Twitter and any other time-killers brought courtesy of technology.

_____________________________

The twelve-step program features a series of online therapy sessions, interactive dialogue, and a user-created virtual therapist. 


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Cheney to visit Middle East

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 10, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Middle East

734 Jokes  5 Videos

US Vice President Richard Cheney will tour the Middle East later this month, the White House announced early Monday.

The Vice President said he was looking forward to quail hunting with Iranian President Ahmadinejad.

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Playgirl Magazine Seeking Eliot Spitzer

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 20, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Eliot Spitzer

50 Jokes  1 Videos

Playgirl Magazine is trying to get former NY Governor Eliot Spitzer to pose nude in their magazine. My wife said they could make a lot more money by getting people to pay them to keep him out of the magazine.

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Steve Knowles
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Man Has Sex With a City Street

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Dec 6, 2007
Category: Weird  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Dating

571 Jokes  37 Videos

A man in Scotland was arrested (and officially labeled a sex offender) after being caught simulating sexual intercourse against the pavement of a city street.

The judge denied any future visits with paved surfaces, and suggested that the man limit his relationships to forests, grassy fields, and the occasional garden plot.

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Oldest Voice Recording Found

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 27, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Researchers found the oldest known recording of the human voice in France earlier this week.

When played back, it roughly translated into English as, "Surrender at all costs!"

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Dust to dust? More ask for eco-friendly funerals

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Dec 27, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Biodegradable coffins, 'green' cemeteries are part of 'natural' burial trend.

What a coincidence! I'm working on a new lawnmower that not only mulches, but will provide an even coating of your uncle Larry.

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