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Steve Knowles
Steve Knowles
"I didn't think telling just one joke at my aunt's funeral was crossing the line"

Beacon, NY

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Biography
I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

Steve Knowles says:

You suck!

(I heckle myself when I'm bored)
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Mona Lisa as a standup comic
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Steve Knowles
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Arizona Sheriff Investigated for Enforcing Laws

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 12, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Phoenix

43 Jokes  1 Videos

Phoenix (AP) - Federal authorities told a high-profile Arizona sheriff Tuesday that they will investigate his department over allegations of discrimination and unconstitutional searches and seizures.
 
The U.S. Justice Department said in a letter to Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio that investigators will focus on alleged patterns of police discrimination based on national origin.
_______________________________

A quick summary:  A legally elected U.S. citizen sheriff of a state bordering Mexico is being investigated for upholding immigration laws, and is being accused of unfairly targeting Hispanics!

 

Isn't that like a policeman being investigated for arresting bank robbers, and unfairly targeting people wearing masks, holding guns and sacks of money while leaving just-robbed banks?

 

(I know you left-wingers won't like this, so shoot me; wait, you don't believe in the right to bear arms....  ha ha)


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Steve Knowles
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Famous Hijacker's Parachute Found?

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 27, 2008
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Seattle

52 Jokes  1 Videos

SEATTLE - A parachute which may have belonged to the famous hijacker D.B. Cooper, who jumped from a plane in 1971, was found in southwest Washington state.

His luggage, however, is still missing.

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Actual email message at my office

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 5, 2009
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Health Care

91 Jokes

Here is the heading of an email that went out to all employees of the office where I work:

Subject: Mandatory Suicide Training

Importance: High

__________

I can understand having mandatory health insurance, but I think they've crossed the line with mandatory suicide.  At least they are providing the training.

 


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Explicit lyrics linked to sex among teens

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 4, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Can listening to sexually aggressive lyrics prompt teenagers to have sex at an earlier age?

That's the issue raised by a new study, and it could unleash a fierce debate over whether a teen's music player is potentially risky and -- if so -- what should or can be done about it.

__________

I always thought getting naked in the back seat prompted teenagers to have sex.

 

 


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Cheney to visit Middle East

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Mar 10, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Dick Cheney

155 Jokes  1 Videos

US Vice President Richard Cheney will tour the Middle East later this month, the White House announced early Monday.

The Vice President said he was looking forward to quail hunting with Iranian President Ahmadinejad.

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Meth Deposited in ATM

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Feb 12, 2008
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Crystal Meth

61 Jokes  1 Videos

BREMERTON, Wash. (AP) - A woman who allegedly dropped an envelope containing money and a bag of meth at a Kitsap Credit Union was arrested and charged with drug possession, according to court documents.

She thought it would help speed up her deposit.

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Al-Qaida to Take Media Questions

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Dec 20, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Osama Bin Laden

152 Jokes  7 Videos

Al-Qaida has invited journalists to send questions to its No. 2 figure Ayman al-Zawari, the first time the terror network has offered an "interview" with one of its top leaders since the 9/11 attacks.

This follows Osama Bin Laden's latest hip-hop video released on YouTube.

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National debt grows $1 million a minute

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Dec 3, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Alex Rodriguez

91 Jokes  1 Videos

WASHINGTON - Like a ticking time bomb, the national debt is an explosion waiting to happen. It's expanding by about $1.4 billion a day — or nearly $1 million a minute.

To put it in perspective for the average American: that's slightly more than a dollar for every Starbucks store that opened last year, and almost as much as Alex Rodriguez gets paid while sitting in the Yankees dugout.

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Michael Vick

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Dec 1, 2007
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Michael Vick

100 Jokes  1 Videos

Michael Vick has reportedly agreed to pay for the care of 54 pit bull dogs.

Vick stated, "If you don't take care of them, they don't fight worth crap"

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Ice skating bear kills Russian circus hand

By: Steve Knowles (C)
Submitted: Oct 24, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Russia

140 Jokes  2 Videos

Russia has a long history of training bears for performance.
  • Moscow, Russia (CNN) -- A bear on ice skates attacked two people during rehearsals at a circus.  The 5-year-old animal killed the circus administrator, Dmitry Potapov, and mauled an animal trainer, who was attempting to rescue him.

    The bear was heard to say, "I told him to quit calling me gay!"


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