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"ATTENTION:"

January 1, 2010
Nowhere, Nowhere, NY

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Biography

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I'm probably the only left-handed, married with four kids, PhD scientist, standup comic living in Beacon, New York.

Buy my children's book, "Nancy Newt Never Naps!" Really. You can check it out at www.nancynewt.com

I produce "clean" comedy shows in Dutchess County and surrounding areas. If you would like a comedy show for an event (party, wedding, fundraiser, etc.), contact me at beacon1b@yahoo.com

And if you are desperate, check out my goals in life at [more]

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245 Jokes  

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Famous Hijacker's Parachute Found? By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Mar 27, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Seattle 52 Jokes  1 Videos

SEATTLE - A parachute which may have belonged to the famous hijacker D.B. Cooper, who jumped from a plane in 1971, was found in southwest Washington state. His luggage, however, is still missing. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (3)  |  Rate it:

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Legally blind golfer gets hole-in-one By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 11, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Golf 175 Jokes  4 Videos

GREEN VALLEY, Ariz. - An 85-year-old legally blind golfer from southern Arizona made a hole-in-one this week on a par-3 course. Robert Dunham accomplished the feat on the third hole at Tortuga in Green Valley. Unfortunately, he was aiming for the 2nd hole. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Children’s Book Aims to Explain Plastic Surgery By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Apr 24, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Plastic Surgery 70 Jokes  2 Videos

"My Beautiful Mommy," a new children’s book, aims to explain plastic surgery. Other titles in the series include, "My Drunken Daddy", "My Promiscuous Sister," and "My Friendly Priest." Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Canoeist who "returned from dead" charged By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Dec 8, 2007 Category: News

From Hot Topic Janet Jackson 9 Jokes

LONDON (Reuters) - A man who "returned from the dead" after apparently being lost at sea in a canoeing accident five years ago was charged by police on Saturday with obtaining money by deception and making a false declaration to get a passport. Also being charged with obtaining money by deception and attempting to return from the dead are comedian Pauly Shore, singer Janet Jackson, and actor Ben Affleck. Dictator Francisco Franco, however, is still dead. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Blood Substitutes Aren't Safe By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: May 1, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

A new study indicates that artificial blood substitutes have led to a 30% increase in the risk of death and a nearly threefold chance of having a heart attack. Early tests with ketchup and red wine were even deadlier. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Steroids beyond sports By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Jan 14, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Steroid 117 Jokes  1 Videos

PATCHOGUE -- The names of R&B music star Mary J. Blige, along with rap artists 50 Cent, Timbaland and Wyclef Jean, and award-winning author and producer Tyler Perry, have emerged in an Albany-based investigation of steroids trafficking that has already rocked the professional sports world, according to confidential sources. Authorities became suspicious when 50 Cent was seen wearing 700 pounds of bling. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Scientists produce embryo clones of 2 men By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Jan 17, 2008 Category: News

From Hot Topic Al Gore 58 Jokes

NEW YORK: Scientists say they have produced embryos that are clones of two men, a potential step toward developing scientifically valuable stem cells. The Bill Clinton and Al Gore clone will be the first black-bionic, presidential candidate. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Hospitals to ban gossiping By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Feb 8, 2008 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Doctor 295 Jokes  2 Videos

BELGRADE (Reuters) - A ban on grumpiness, gossiping, mini-skirts and rudeness is what the doctor orders to improve patient care in Serbia's hospitals, according to new rules issued by the country's Health Ministry. Amputating the wrong leg or removing the wrong kidney, however, will still be tolerated. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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Mafia Infiltrating Tennis? By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Dec 7, 2007 Category: Sports

From Hot Topic Tennis 51 Jokes  2 Videos

US tennis legend John McEnroe expressed his concern on Friday that organized crime, such as the Russian mafia, could be infiltrating tennis. McEnroe stated, "We all know what happened when rednecks infiltrated Nascar. What's next, gays infiltrating mens iceskating?" Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it:

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'World's shortest man' comes of age in Nepal By: Steve Knowles (C) Submitted: Oct 15, 2009 Category: News  Staff Pick!

From Hot Topic Parents 1208 Jokes  33 Videos

Khagendra Thapa Magar from Nepal, thought to be the world's smallest living man at just 22 inches (56 centimetres), has turned 18 and now hopes to be officially recognised for his record size. His mother was shocked last year when she found copies of "Play Gnome" magazine under his bed. Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email          |  Comments (1)  |  Rate it: