Coincidentally, 950 is also the average number of tries for a typical Florida driver.

Please let one of those people be Nancy Pelosi.

A 35-mile crack in the desert of Ethiopia will likely become a new ocean eventually, researchers now confirm.   Researchers have also confirmed that the giant crack in Octomom will eventally become a new Grand Canyon.

In related news, Al Gore was seen yesterday in a "Big and Tall" store shopping for a hazmat suit.

A three-night stay at the space hotel will cost $4.4 million.  Add a Snickers from the minibar and we're talking close to $5 million.

The man is a real sicko--he even followed Seacrest into the ladies' restroom.  

 A diet heavy in processed and fatty foods increases the risk of depression.  This may explain why Kirstie Alley has the suicide hotline on speed dial.

President Obama gave the trick-or-treaters a choice of treats:  M & M's, dried fruit, or the public option.  

Scientists investigating a large crater in Latvia  initially believed to have been caused by a meteorite said a closer analysis revealed it was a hoax.  The father of "balloon-boy" denied any responsibility.

Thousands of ethnic Albanians welcomed former President Bill Clinton on Sunday as he attended the unveiling of an 11-foot statue of himself on a key boulevard that also bears his name.   Today one chubby Albanian woman swore the statue moved several inches closer to her.