Health officials report that swine flu can be transmitted through direct contact with pigs--really bad news for Bill Clinton.

And what made this victory extra sweet is he proved he could win without Shaquille O'Neal. 

Upon release of this FDA report, sales of Zicam skyrocketed in New Jersey.  

I can't say for sure there were any voting irregularites but Ahmadinejad got the gay and Jewish vote.

During a news conference yesterday in Iraq, President Bush ducked two shoes that were thrown at him by an Arabic television correspondent.  An Iraqi authority was asked if the man would be punished.  "Of course, he will punished," the Iraqi authority said,  "he missed."

Abdul has received offers to be a dancer, choreographer, and spokesperson for Vicodin.

No wonder I had such a hard time getting tech support.

But health officials are debating whether nausea, headaches, and diarrhea aren't just symptoms of living in New Jersey.  

My local newspaper is now publishing online.  I'm potty training my puppy and he's already ruined three computers.

The White House had no comment.