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Ian Salmon
Ian Salmon
"Like lost treasure one day I will be found!"

Los Angeles, CA

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Biography
Ian Salmon started his comedy career in 1993 and has been bringing his hysterical jokes to the stage ever since, the thing that stands out the most about Ian Salmon is his ability to create fresh material, Ian takes the experiences of travel, divorce and fatherhood to knit a enthralling web of comedy, his hard work and talent has taken him all over the world, Ian is truly an international entertainer.

Ian is also the host of "Somebody's Shorts" a television show that lets it's viewers send in comedic [more]

Octavia Smith says:

Your Welcome:)

Ian Salmon says:

Thank you!! :)

Octavia Smith says:

I'm so loving your page.because you talk about everything thats going on in the u.s.Also say whats on your mind.thats important.

Ian Salmon says:

You are right my friend I think my joke blew by the comedy radar. I was spinning of his stupidity not his right or lack of to use the word.

Fishman

Octavia Smith says:

I'm also black and understand that people say whats on their mind all the time,just because he has a show does mean that he can't say it.No one can stop people from saying the "N" word.
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Joke List: Most Comments (From All Time)

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Ian Salmon
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China Ships GHB To Our Kids

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Nov 8, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

China

308 Jokes  8 Videos

China Ships GHB To Our KidsU.S. safety officials have voluntarily recalled about 4.2 million Chinese-made Aqua Dots toys contaminated with a powerful "date rape" drug that has caused some children to vomit and lose consciousness upon ingesting the contents.


The Chinese government has sent an apology saying "Oh we so sorry, that shipment was for Japan".


In other news notorious child molester Tony "Lollypop" Bruno was arrested while shop lifting at a downtown Toys R Us.


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Fresh meat!

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Nov 20, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Polygamy

16 Jokes

Fresh meat!A judge Tuesday sentenced polygamist sect leader Warren Jeffs to serve at least 10 years!



Well I’m sure he will feel at home in jail where multiple sex partners are common place.


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50 Cent Lost Bet With Kanye West

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Oct 25, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

50 Cent

30 Jokes

50 Cent Lost Bet With Kanye WestKanye West sold 956,936 copies of Graduation in the past week smashing 50 cent in a public bet where he was quoted as saying "I will retire if he sells more records than me".

50 cent now wants to bet T.I. his ass is going to jail.

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Learn Spanish it will save you trouble!

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Sep 28, 2009
Category: Weird  

 Went to a Spanish store yesterday looking for black  shoe polish everything was in Spanish so I asked the cashier who happened to speak English where the black shoe polish was located, she looked at me and said negro over there...  I said who the hell you calling negro?


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A conversation with God

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Jul 1, 2009
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Michael Jackson

202 Jokes  3 Videos

A conversation with God

 A CONVERSATION WITH GOD (Revised for John Roy)


INT. GOD’S KINGDON-DAY
Michael Jackson is walking thru a beautiful garden with God, he is nervous as this is his first conversation with God since checking in.


MICHAEL
 God I just wanted to say that I didn’t do those things they said I did on earth.


God looks at Michael and smiles as he keeps walking.


GOD
Michael, I know you didn’t do those  things that’s why I made that kid tell the truth. I also want to say I’m sorry for taking you right now I know it was bad timing, but I just couldn't wait anymore. I was going to take you way back when but changed my mind at the last minuet, sorry about burning your hair.


Michael look’s at God.


MICHAEL
You did that?


God smiles! Michael and God walk into a open room with mirrors, Michael is confused.


MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Why are we here?


God looks at Michael,smiles and walks into the mirror suddenly we hear music playing it’s the sound track for Thriller, Michael is confused and looks around but can only see his reflection, then there out of the mirror God appears again but this time he has on one glove and penny loafers, he walks up to Michael.


GOD
Can you teach me how to Moon Walk?


CUT TO:


WIDE SHOT.
Michael looks at God for a few seconds, music gets louder, Michael starts to tap his feet, then snaps his fingers, does a quick move and grabs himself.


MICHAEL
Sham-on you know it!


The End


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Breaking News From up There

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Jun 29, 2009
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Michael Jackson

202 Jokes  3 Videos

 There are reports that God fainted like 13 year old school girl from excitement when Michael Jackson arrived at the pearly gates. Mr. Jackson has several concerts schedule including a birthday party in December!

RIP MJ


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Stevie Wonder is upset with the iphone people!

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Jan 13, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Cell Phone

209 Jokes  14 Videos

 

NEW YORK - The craze for touch-screen gadgets, sparked by Apple Inc's popular iPhone, is raising worries that a whole generation of consumer electronics will be out of the reach of the blind.



Motown icon Stevie Wonder and other advocates came to the world's biggest gadget fest, the annual Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas this week, to convince vendors to consider the needs of the blind.



I think it's silly to want more out of cell phones for the blind outside of a brail phone. It's like asking the music industry to put more vibration in it's music.



Wonder told a CES event that his wishlist included a car he could drive — which he acknowledged was probably "a ways away" — and a Sirius XM satellite radio he could operate.


But wait Stevie we have the technology!
 


But no really, I think the real concern here is the loyalty of the care takers of Stevie Wonder clearly nobody has mentioned to him that he has a half of head of braids.



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Drag Queen Takes National Karaoke Title

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Oct 7, 2008
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!

Drag Queen Takes National Karaoke  Title

Mysterious drag queen wins national karaoke contest. No one knows who he is, he just showed up, rocked the house and left!


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Boxing Lengend To Star In New Predator Movie

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Dec 2, 2007
Category: Entertainment  
From Hot Topic

Floyd Mayweather

6 Jokes

Boxing Lengend To Star In New Predator MovieSynopsis:

The Predator, and it's superb fighting skills targets retired boxing legends in a quest to collect the skulls of these great worriers of the ring. However this time the predator played by Floyd Mayweather Sr has a bonus weapon, a mean right hand

In the first act of this fast pasted action packed movie the predator knocks out some of boxing’s greats with no problem.



In a dramatic twist in the end he has a change of heart as he goes for the last knock out and skull claim. He cloaks his way into Ali’s home only to be greeted with Ali's shaking right fist and mumbling words “Come on fool time for school“.



The Predator played by Floyd Mayweather Sr. then breaks down in tears…….


The End!


Mayweather was given the role primarily based on his striking resemblance to the deadly predator!


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Stir Fried Moon Dust

By: Ian Salmon (C)
Submitted: Nov 26, 2007
Category: Blogs  
From Hot Topic

Space

277 Jokes  3 Videos

Stir Fried Moon DustCNN) -- When China's lunar orbiter blasted off last month, there was not a cheer or smile or a "whoo-haaa" to be had in mission control.




Perhaps because for the government, it was just another small step in an ambitious space program which could ultimately see a Chinese Restaurant orbiting the Earth, a China Town on the moon, and a space suite cleaners on Mars.



In related news, South Korean space officials said Tuesday they plan to send an unmanned probe to the moon's orbit in 2020 and land a probe on the moon's surface in 2025 in hopes of opening several Carry Outs.

The country's Ministry of Science and Technology also announced it will develop a large-sized rocket capable of carrying 300 tons of fried chicken and mumbo sauce into space by 2017.



However they admit if this new vision is to work, African Americans will need to colonize the moon. They are already in negotiations with companies like Colt 45, Remy Martin and Boon's farm.


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