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Dan Liebert
Dan Liebert
"My Most Ripped Off Joke: If they ever made a musical about me there'd probably be a lot of songs about jacking off and pizza."

Elizabethtown, IL

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Biography
WWW.VERBALCARTOONIST.COM is NOW UP AND RUNNING and voted BEST NEW COMEDY SITE.
Five days ago we hit 1,000 VISITS a day. Today I am at just under 1,400 individual visits a day. Find out Why.

Just recently came out with my book 'DISCONTINUED SOUP' Available through Barnes & Noble etc have done several years of stand up in NYC and the Midwest.

I have a weekly feature (Dan Liebert, Verbal Cartoonist) on www.mcsweeneys.net/links/danliebert. Also I have recorded weekly bits for national NPR's 'Fair Game' show.

Lucy Logsdon (Guest) says:

Your stuff is hilarious. I found it because I read via Illinois Arts Council newsletter that a poetry recipient from Elizabethtown had won---and I found this David Sedaris--like stuff instead. Are you really living in the Elizabethtown in Southern Illinois--on the Ohio River? That's crazy!...

Beth Schumann says:

I'm sorry. I know I'm a total snot. I didn't think you stole my joke, I know that lots of people can come up with similar ideas. I was just having a bad day, a fight with my husband, etc. etc. I shouldn't have taken it out on you, sorry. Of course your joke is hilarious, because great minds think...

Ray Ellin says:

so funny... all of it.

Octavia Smith says:

I'm so loving this page.keep it coming.

Dan Liebert says:

Thanks Ray, I've enjoyed you many times from the balcony at the Strip. If you see DF tell him hello and be sure to let him know you like my stuff - he taught me.
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Dan Liebert
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Iran is Marlboro Country

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Nov 30, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Iran

176 Jokes

Iran has banned the word 'women' on Iranian TV - all references to 'women's' issues' or 'women's groups' will be changed to 'family'.

First we're told there's no gays in Iran and now there's no women. That leaves men and little boys. Hmmmm.

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Dan Liebert
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Generic Margarine

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Dec 8, 2007
Category: Weird  

I bought generic margarine and it was just as good as the name brand.

I can't believe it's not I can't believe it's not butter.

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Dan Liebert
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USED SEX DOLL

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Sep 12, 2007
Category: Weird  Staff Pick!

I bought a used sex doll.

Its not that I'm cheap I just like a woman
with experience.

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Dan Liebert
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Condom In The Woods

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Nov 6, 2007
Category: Sports  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Birth Control

369 Jokes  9 Videos

The most embarrassing thing I ever did. In third grade I found a used condom in the woods and brought it to school for show-and-tell:
"Every year about this time, the snakes shed their skins...."

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Dan Liebert
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Very Un-Green of You

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Nov 14, 2007
Category: Weird  

It's very 'un-green' of you to speak of shark infested waters.

They belong in the water - we don't

Its like talking about a child-infested playground.

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Dan Liebert
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SLEEP SYSTEM

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Oct 23, 2007
Category: Weird  

'Window Treatments' I'm OK with. But calling a bed a 'Sleep System'???

A 'Sleep System' is two valium and a shot of Jack Daniels.

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Dan Liebert
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Home Schooling

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Nov 19, 2007
Category: Weird  
From Hot Topic

School

933 Jokes  35 Videos

My brother and his family live way the hell out in the Ozarks and they're homeschooling their kids.

My little nephew Eric came up to me and said, "Guess what, Uncle Danny, this year I got straight A's!"

"Gee, that's great Eric but I'm not surprised, I mean your dad IS banging the teacher."

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Dan Liebert
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Whipping Old Ladies

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Nov 29, 2007
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Sudan

22 Jokes

A British teacher in Sudan who looks like everyone's grandma is in danger of being whipped to death for inadvertently letting a little boy name a teddy bear 'Mohammed'. It is considered an insult to 'Islam'.
How can you insult a 'religion' that whips grandmas to death for inadvertently naming teddy bears?

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Dan Liebert
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Condom In The Woods

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Nov 6, 2007
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Birth Control

369 Jokes  9 Videos

The most embarrassing thing I ever did. In third grade I found a used condom in the woods and brought it to school for show-and-tell:
"Every year about this time, the snakes shed their skins...."

Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (2)  |  Rate it:

Dan Liebert
Visit My Profile
Saudi Olympic Team

By: Dan Liebert (C)
Submitted: Dec 7, 2007
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Olympics

212 Jokes  3 Videos

In an unprecedented tragedy, Saudi Arabia lost its entire synchronized swimming team.

On their first day of practice they all drowned in their burkhas.

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