Apparently, the medication is called "sunlight".

Tom Cruise says that the Church of Scientology helped cure his disability.

Richard Simmons has announced he is joining the Church, stating "If they can cure that guy of being gay, there's hope for me yet."

Bret Michaels, singer for the 80s hair-band Poison, suffered a broken nose when he was struck by a piece of descending scenery at Sunday night's Tony Awards on Broadway. Sadly, the injury has robbed Michaels of his ability to smell desperate skanks from miles away.

In his final press conference, President George W. Bush acknowledged that it was a mistake to display the "Mission Accomplished"  banner after the 2003 Iraq invasion.

Bush stated that instead, the banner should have read "Hey Eye-Rack-ees! I'm Not Done Freein' the Shit Outta You Yet."