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Dave Houston
Dave Houston
"If it's not Scottish, it's sober."

Austin, TX

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Biography
I'm a silky smooth, neurotic mess. But I clean up nice.

I'm a standup comedian, yet I'm not really a standup comedian. I'm more of a comedy writer with a microphone. Yes, that's right, the worst kind of hack imaginable. So, If I end up dead in a ditch, start questioning all "road warrior" comics immediately.

For more clips and other me-related stuff, go to http://myspace.com/dhcomedy.

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Joke List: Highest Rated (From All Time)

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Dave Houston
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 Every Nose Has Its Break

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Jun 9, 2009
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

New York City
332 Jokes  42 Videos

Bret Michaels, singer for the 80s hair-band Poison, suffered a broken nose when he was struck by a piece of descending scenery at Sunday night's Tony Awards on Broadway. Sadly, the injury has robbed Michaels of his ability to smell desperate skanks from miles away.

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Dave Houston
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 Yeah, but Clinton Banged 935 Interns

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Jan 25, 2008
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Iraq
411 Jokes  3 Videos

A nonprofit group has produced a new report documenting 935 false statements by Bush administration officials leading up to the Iraq war.

The report, titled "No Shit", was handed to a man named Sherlock.

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Dave Houston
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 Amy Winehouse in hospital for reaction to medication

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Nov 25, 2008
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Amy Winehouse
72 Jokes

Apparently, the medication is called "sunlight".


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Dave Houston
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 Blow it Like a Bad Singer

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Aug 31, 2007
Category: Sports  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

David Beckham
22 Jokes

LA Galaxy star David Beckham will likely miss up to six more weeks after suffering a knee injury in a recent match.

The injury would have been less severe, but Posh Spice had borrowed his knee pads that day.

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Dave Houston
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 Maybe You Fired Them, Al

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Aug 27, 2007
Category: News  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Alberto Gonzales
10 Jokes

U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales announced his resignation today.

Asked if he looked forward to spending time with his family, Gonzales stated he could not recall having a family.

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Dave Houston
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 How Do You Embalm a Career?

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Jan 18, 2008
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Lindsay Lohan
106 Jokes  2 Videos

How Do You Embalm a Career?Lindsay Lohan must work two days in a morgue as part of a court-ordered program.

"This'll be a piece of cake," Lohan predicted, "I spend pretty much every weekend surrounded by stiff guys."

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Dave Houston
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 Here's a Calendar, Dude

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Sep 4, 2007
Category: Political  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

George Bush
653 Jokes  17 Videos

I'm no fan of President Bush, and I'm as ready for him to leave office as anyone. But there are few things dumber than the bumper stickers that say "Is It 2008 Yet?"

Um...dude? No. It's not. This sticker makes you look as dumb as the guy you're protesting. And guess what? In a few short months, it will be 2008...at which time the sticker will make you look even dumber.

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 He's a Big Star Once Again

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Jun 9, 2009
Category: Entertainment  Staff Pick!

He's a Big Star Once Again

Scientists have discovered that the most massive black hole in existence weighs two to three times more than previously thought. In related news, fans of Val Kilmer have made a similar discovery.


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 The Awful Tooth

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Jun 26, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Kentucky
60 Jokes

The toothbrush was invented 511 years ago in China. The technology is expected to make its way into Great Britain and Kentucky any day now.


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Dave Houston
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 Jokes That Write Themselves, Part 324

By: Dave Houston (C)
Submitted: Jan 28, 2008
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Barack Obama
884 Jokes  28 Videos

Nobel Prize-winning author Toni Morrison, who described Bill Clinton as the U.S.'s "first black president" a decade ago, has announced her support for Barack Obama.

In other news, Ms. Morrison is the recipient of a successful eye transplant.

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