A very large world retailer plans to add a new "Shockbrokering" firm to its many-faceted humungously gathered retail extravanza of shopping. Wally Walderm-Martzzz plans to add a "Shockbrokering" firm wherein each client's shaved skull is hooked up to a highly electrical electrode system. Each customer will be "juiced" with a beginning dose of 5,000 watts of electricity and the electric shock therapy will continue until the customer cries out in anguish, "OKAY, I'LL SAY UNCLE!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A bunch of outraged, fistfighting, psychotic lipsticked hockey moms, Sarah Palin style; or some poor sot who just got shot with a machine gun at the North Pole, Sarah Palin style; or a boxing match after a hockey game breaks out, Sarah Palin style; or, a pit-bull fight on its last legs, Sarah Palin style; or, of course, the whole entire country, once Sarah Palin style goes to being President after being Vice President for a short while - after a very old man dies of natural causes, of course.

"The food in there's bad, but it's not that bad," a wise-cracking jailer from another neighboring city reportedly told our Daily Comedy investigative comedian team.

"Hardy har hee hee hee hee hee," came some vociferous laughter from this unfeeling, mean-spirited county sheriff's department official.

"This inmate has some mental issues he's trying to deal with. Needless to say, this prisoner's television watching rights will be adversely affected by this extreme action," came a more politically correct comment by another man wearing a police uniform.

Q.: Some call them Republicrats, others DemoPublicans, but what kind of lizard do you really get when you mix a donkey and an elephant?

A.: A chameleon.

Savings Account annual interest: 0

Checking Account annual interest: 0

Gross Holdings: -0

Come on in and ask about our daily double derivatives: Today, it's based on the #8 horse in the 9th race at Mountaineer Racetrack & Resort, compounded by the outer rings of Uranus orbits plus whether or not some little island without a name (or even a nickname) sinks into the Pacific Ocean sometime in October, 2008 - but the cause must be limited only to tectonic plate explosions.

If all goes right and you're a winner, you'll make 87 zegaMcMillion dollars Canadian to every $1 (Can.) invested in this investment package.

Sign outside the Moose Lodge in Anchorage, Alaska -

"Welcome home, Gov. Palin. Love ya! We know that any woman crazy enough to shoot a full-grown moose is capable of blowing up the entire Alaskan Continent. We thought we'd be nice and welcome you home, you crazy Carabou Killer!!!"