Jewy McJewstein and his huge bag of gold.  “By the power of my payis, I shall smite thee!  I’m gonna knock this shegetz right in his un-brissed blintz!”

Ulysses O’Flaherty who fights with a sack of potatoes and Catholic Guilt.  “Oh, no more dilly-dallying with te mitts!  I’m still tree sheets to da wind from the wake of the last guy I fought!”

Baba Ali, the Indian boxer who learned to fight in the slums of Mumbai. “Latika!!!”

White-Angst Mac: who fights with the strength of 10 lawyers trying to win back custody of Mac’s daughter.  “Did anyone see that Law and Order about the boxer?  What else was that guy in?”

Jafar from Aladdin.  (I think they actually did this one.)

From philosowii.tumblr.com

Wii want to make our girlfriends lose respect for us.

Wii want to remind ourselves constantly that our little siblings are better at something than Wii are.

Wii want to embarrass ourselves at parties by being “totally sick” at Mario Kart.

Wii want to violently thrash around until Link breaks something or Wii break the TV with the Wii-mote.

Wii want our Match.com profile to include “Cooking Mama” as a hobby.

Wii want to remind ourselves that this machine was designed for children.

Wii want to Wii-ken our shot at Grad School.

Wii want (need) another activity that gets better while drinking.

Wii want to die alone.

Wii want to play (sort of).