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Dan Wilbur
"Genius!"
New York, NY
      
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Check out DanWilbur.com!
Recently deemed the smartest man alive by himself and this other guy, Dan Wilbur is proud to be a founding member of Bard College's Stand-Up Comedy Club. He has performed and produced several shows at Bard College, including two large shows that featured members of Olde English comedy troupe. Dan also produced a Roast of the (sort of) famous rapper Soul Khan, and performed an hour-long set at the Chautauqua College Club in Chautauqua, New York.
Dan has also written for [more]
juju beans says:
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I'm with you on that xxxhottgirl crap. She is the most unfunny whore Ive ever seen
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Punchline Magazine says:
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congrats on being a guest star!
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 There is an incredible new source for women who fear reality: It's called DontDateHimGirl.com. The website features profiles of men who have cheated, lied, or just not bought enough shit for a previous girlfriend. Once an "alleged cheater" moves out his community in ignominy, since they aren't forced to wear a red "A" on their chests, this site helps weed out bad guys for women who depend on the internet for dating advice.
Profiles usually say how the men cheated, how many children they secretly have, their spouse's name, etc. Some are hilarious. Check those out before reading on.
I tried to sign in, but the names: IEATMEN and IHateEverything were taken, so I chose the name LoudAngryFace. Here is a recent post.
First Name: Odysseus
Last Name: Son of Laertes
Nicknames: Master Mariner and Soldier, God-like, the Great Tactician
Profile:
This man is the master of tricks and stratagems. He slept with my friend P, got her preggers, hopped on a boat and didn’t even call his baby’s momma for like 20 years! He is a liar: sure, he’ll tell my girl where he’s been, but he’ll omit the part when he slept with some ho of a goddess on her private island! “No pleasure came,” my ass! My girl P was always faithful, and even though she had like 120 chances to cheat on her man, she didn’t. But HE is jealous beyond belief! He saw a bunch of men eating food at his house, and got so mad he killed every one of my girl’s new prospects. With a bow and arrow and shit!
Stay tuned for more! To see the real profile go here: http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com/search/cheater.asp?ddh_id=58920&return_url=index%2Easp%3F
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 I went to Chicago and brought some pot with me. In the morning I packed, and to have a better travel experience, I ingested some of my pot.
Mistake 1: "If I can't smell it, a dog can't." Even before I felt anything I made this rationalization.
Mistake 2: "I'm high. Oh, God. I'm really high." Being high on the Megabus was terrifying! I had already assumed bus security consisted of five or six cops with dogs sniffing for drugs, but instead of that I found the only security was provided by an old homeless man waving an empty forty at some people in downtown Cleveland. I was also sure Fred Flinstone was now driving the bus and I needed to find the trap door to brake with my feet before the next intersection.
Mistake 3: "Can all dogs smell marijuana?" was my next horror-stricken thought. The bigger mistake was asking the old woman next to me this question. Every stop we made I paced quickly past all the dog walkers on the street. One barked at me from behind a cracked car window: I swear to God, I heard it bark my name.
Mistake 4: Peanut butter. My friend told me peanut butter would cover up the scent, but because I was high, I didn't think about putting it in a container. I just took some off the sandwich I'd made and spread it around the bag. Now I had peanut butter pot in the front of my bag, and I'm sweating balls next to an old lady who thinks I'm about to stab her.
Mistake 5: Not smoking everything before coming back to my parents house. Then my dogs smelled the peanut butter and ate all my pot.
Good Choice 1: Their huge pug eyes swelled shut, and we each ate a bowl full of milk bones. My teeth have never felt more slippery and clean.
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A piece of my Mo Pitkins' "Lost Puppy" set. Subjects include Stupidity and Ancient Greek.
Some of these jokes have appeared in writing on DailyComedy, but now you can hear them straight from my mouth, SON!
4 min.
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 Tired of wasting that five minutes it takes to spray Febreze on a shirt? Now, you can put your dirty laundry in a machine for thirty minutes, then put it in another machine, while trying to make small talk with the Spanish Lady watching soap operas in the corner of the Laundromat but she just smiles and says “yes, quarters” to the question: “How many more quarters do I need for this dryer?” and now all the Law and Orders you’ve Tivoed are going to get pushed out of your line-up because of the Basketball games your roommate set up to record, and now there’s no time to watch anything anyway, so why does it matter? But, hey. Your clothes now have the sweet smell of laziness, and no one will know how much time you spent being a dumbfuck.
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 A Wii-diculous blog already in progress!
Just when you were
thinking, "Man, the internet needs have another comedian promote the
shit out of a blog about nothing," Dan Wilbur delivers writing about
his favorite hobby: Sadness.
http://philosowii.tumblr.com/
DEAREST Miis,
My
name is Dan Wilbur. You may remember me from The Apiary,
CollegeHumor.com, or that time I met your parents and did a poor job
keeping the conversation going after the question “so…you’re a
philatelist?”
This site is for YOU, the aberration from the norm
that enjoys searching for Barbaro’s Treasure in Zack and Wiki, instead
of gaining the trust of a young prostitute in your stolen car and
beating her to death with a baseball bat after consummation.
For
those of you who had the wherewithal to buy “cooler” or “less gay”
video game systems, I invite you to leave any comments or questions
you’ve been dying to ask a Wii player by e-mailing PhilosoWii@gmail.com.
This
site will feature News and Reviews, but mostly it will chronicle a
world seen through bluish-white glasses. If only I could type this all
out with the mere flick of a wrist!
Until next time!
Wii’re all in this together!
Dan
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 I think that girlfriends are a lot like iPhones: find a friend and dick around with his but don't go CRAZY and buy your own. Plus, iPhones are an excuse not to talk to anyone at a party. Then your roommate steals your iPhone and says he doesn't know anything about it, but you walk into his room one day (which is also YOUR ROOM) and there's your iPhone sucking your roommate's cock!
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NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
