So said self confessed sex-addicted, Tiger Woods as he left the rehab clinic today . " I know without a doubt in my mind I am 100% cured of my need to hump beautiful Blonde White Women . As part of my treatment I was not allowed to talk to anyone on the outside or have access to TV or Radio . While I was away my agent picked up a major new product endorsement for me  . On Sunday, I will become the new offical spokesman for Toyota at the Superbowl . Right now,  I just can't wait to get my hands on a couple of  Young, Smokin'-Hot, Small-Boobed, Oriental Babes I met at the Auto Show last month  ! "

Tim Tebow, the Heisman winning quarterback, will be starring in a superbowl ad this Sunday stating his opposition to abortion, because his mother and father decided not to abort him.  Leaving aside the question of whether they were right or wrong, the fact is, both of his parents were itinerant preachers, wandering around the country "evangelizing" about Christ, while preventing young Tim from attending school....That's called "homeschooling".....Ya know I should tell my boss about "vacation-working"....Anyway,

Tim Tebow could recite the laws of Newtonian physics directly from the textbook and I would raise an eyebrow...........

He could tell me that the 8-sided red signs at the ends of many streets are stop signs, and I'd be highly skeptical.....

For Heaven's sake, Tim Tebow could tell me that the sun rises in the east and I'd think he was full of shit!

The two oldest of 19 Duggar children saved the life of a young girl when they pulled her out of a car accident and began CPR to revive her after she had choken on a chicken nugget during the automobile impact.

When asked about the heroic rescue, John, a volunteer fireman, said, "I didn't go out there thinking that today I was going to save the life of a total stranger. I just assumed I was related to her. My bad."

They've found out from extensive interviewing with Tyga in ReHab, that his main problem is he misinterpreted what his father told him,

"Get A Lot While You're Young"

Tyga's dad was a real estate developer. Tyga wasn't thinking real estate. 

Former Presidential Candidate John Edward's right hand man Andrew Young (aka "Judas") has come forward with a tell-all book "The Politician," exposing the former Senator's philandering which has resulted in Edwards fathering a love child. 

Regarding the reckless manner in which he left a mountain of evidence behind, Edwards reportedly said, "Senator Kennedy was a great man whose legacy I should have followed more closely."  

Tyga has decided in ReHab to get

Dressed Up, Bulked Up and Reved Up

to cater to a younger group.

Today I was watching ABC News when they brought my attention to a story of a Young College Student named Meghan Shaea who was presented as a person with the "talent" of  "speaking backwards easily". Now I don't know about you, but the high school where I came from they put these people in a "special" room with other "special" people that shared similar traits! Such as, down syndrome, retardation, incestuous by-products with super low IQ's (I'm from ga), and you guessed it "Dyslexia"!!

So for arguments sake, lets pretend that the you, me, and the rest of the world excluding ABC has never heard of this learning disorder that in this case has manifested into the ability to speak backwards! Lets just focus in on the word "talent" and forget all about learning disabilities for a minute. Assuming that she is the only person in the world that can speak this way.. how the hell is it a talent? Who the fck is she going to translate for, Boonhouser from King of the Hill, Fat Alberts friend Mushmouth, Gleek from The Wonder twins, or maybe even Kenny from South Park?? On the bright side, all those douche bags that took French in High School instead of Spanish, only to find out that girls don't "Dig" French and that French people stink, will have someone to laugh at now!!

                       Urban Legend

There are men in Guam whose full-time job it is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex with them for the first time.

Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.  

For woman this isn't too good. But for men, what a way to make a few bucks on a weekend.