Valentine’s Day might be awkward for New York Gov. David Paterson, who has admitted to extramarital affairs. But not nearly as awkward as Father’s Day.

New York Gov. David Paterson on Monday denied rumors that he was caught cheating on his wife. He wasn't having sex with another woman, he said. He was simply masturbating inside of her.

A New York City fourth-grader was sent to the principal's office and nearly suspended for bringing a 2-inch toy gun to school.  Nine-year-old Patrick Timoney and a friend were playing with Legos in the cafeteria at Public School 52 in Staten Island on Tuesday when Patrick produced the tiny plastic machine gun and put it in the hands of a plastic police officer.  After Patrick's mother got a call from the school, his parents met with the principal and persuaded her not to discipline him if he agreed to leave the toy gun at home.  The boy's father, also named Patrick Timoney, says principal Evelyn Mastroianni "went overboard."  ***MARLAR: The toy police officer has been suspended for not confiscating the gun from the fourth-grader. 

The tip-off was the sunglasses.  A New Yorker faces a $135 traffic fine for using a mannequin as her "plus one" in the high-occupancy vehicle lane of the Long Island Expressway.  An alert sheriff's deputy on Long Island became suspicious this week when he saw the "passenger" wearing sunglasses and using the visor. The problem: The sky was overcast.  When he stopped the vehicle, he found the mannequin, fully dressed with a long dark wig, blazer, shirt and scarf.  ***MARLAR: The driver said it was an honest mistake as he thought his plastic mannequin was actually Cher.

Economy experts claim that the threat of swine flu has drastically lowered hog prices, costing the industry more than $1 billion.  As a result, scientists in New York City are desperately searching for a new strain of virus they can call the “rent flu”.

A teacher at a New York City public school has been charged with turning his fourth-grade classroom into a fighting ring.  Joseph Gullotta told two of his students, ages 9 and 10, to settle an argument with a classroom fight.  One of the students suffered a cut lip, and the other sustained a bruised and swollen head during the Jan. 28 incident at P.S. 65 in the Ozone Park neighborhood. ***MARLAR: Actually, it’s the person reported this that should be in trouble.  After all, we all know the first rule of Fight Club.

The New York Jets have fined Rex Ryan $50,000 for flipping the bird at an MMA event. Ironically it was the classiest gesture of the entire evening.