An insurance company cut a Canadian woman's  health benefits for depression, claiming she was healthy after seeing Facebook pictures of her smiling in a bikini at the beach.  The insurance company also claimed the woman listed on her MySpace page that her favorite song is "Don't Worry, Be Happy." 

The comedian is when you tell a woman a joke after sex, and it makes her laugh so hard, cum shoots out her nose.

A South Carolina woman who heard a giant splash in her backyard discovered a 650-pound cow had fallen into her swimming pool. The 'splash and run' is said to be payback for all late-night tipping episodes from years past.

Police said trespassing charges would not be filed against Rosie O'Donnell.

   Early in Bill Clinton's career--at a well-attended political rally--this young, attractive pregnant woman was brandishing a large sign, which read:  "CLINTON IS THE ONE!"

   When candidate Clinton spotted her, he quickly left Hillary's side and made his way through the crowd to ask the swollen, slightly startled supporter, "Madam, would you mind exchanging signs with someone?" 

   Why is an automobile transcribing a repetitive arc at a fixed distance of about two feet from the nearest curb?

   A woman is attempting to parallel park. 

There's never one around when you need one. If spree killers shot people who really deserved it, they'd be a lot more popular. You're standing in line on your lunch hour to deposit your paycheck at the bank behind a little old lady who doesn't speak English who's trying to transfer her life savings to a relative in a remote mountain village in Kazahkstan that doesn't have a phone – or a bank. That's when you really need a lone wolf killer to make a deposit – of a cap in her ass. Next customer!

You're waiting in line at the 7-11 on a Friday night. All you want to do is buy a six pack, go home and watch “Washington Week in Review” but the guy in front of you is buying 200 lottery tickets. I got your winning number right here: 357.

Or you're in the checkout lane at the grocery store and the woman in front of you wants a price check on crab meat. Hey, bitch, it's crab meat. It's supposed to be expensive. Blam, blam, blam. Cleanup in aisle three.

Men who marry a well-educated women boost their chances of living a long life. The higher a woman's education, the better the chance both she and her partner will have a long life, according to research from the Swedish Institute for Social Research in Stockholm. Oddly, the level of a wife's education was a stronger factor in lowering her husband's risk of dying over the next 10 years than the man's own level of education. Both men and women with less education and who made less money had a higher rate of death than those with more education and higher earnings.  ***MARLAR: In other words, if you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, stop looking in night clubs, start looking in chess clubs.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again -- even if it takes 949 more times! In Seoul, South Korea, 68-year-old Cha Sa-soon FINALLY passed her written exam for a driver's license on her 950th attempt! No kidding. She has taken the test nearly every day since April 2005. The aspiring driver spent more than $4,200 in application fees, but until now had failed to score the minimum 60 out of a possible 100 points. She finally scored an even 60. Of course now she must pass a driving test before getting her license.  ***MARLAR: Other South Korean drivers don’t seem to be too concerned.  They’ve seen her drive and she’s still better than Chicago cabbies.

Hall of Famer Nancy Lieberman has become the first woman to coach in the NBA Development League. Which would be exciting, if it weren't the NBA Development League.