This was actually an article about Jake Gyllenhall and Reese Witherspoon on the internet.  This was actual news with a writer and everything.  Jake and Reese Go Shopping.  You know what I say?  "Who gives a F*CK!"  If this kind of news actually makes your day or pulls you away from the reality of your mundane life, go hurt yourself with a nail gun. 

Now when Megan Fox turns lesbo and starts dating Lindsey Lohan, that's news.  Other than that nothing really matters in Hollywood.   

UNIVERSITY OF CHICAGO TO CREATE FIRST COMBINED BLUES-ECONOMICS MAJOR 

CHICAGO. This city's gritty South Side is famous for its blues and economics, a source of pride for patrons of Jimmy's Woodlawn Tap on 55th Street.

Jimmy's Woodlawn Tap

"We come here to listen to the blues and to discuss how microeconomic analysis can be extended to non-market behavior," says the University of Chicago's Gary Becker, a Nobel Prize winner.

Becker:  "Thass what I'm talkin' 'bout!"

"Thass right, man," says Luther "Guitar" Johnson as he takes a sip of his Heileman's Special Export beer. "People think Harvard's got good economists, but my man Gary here can kick John Kenneth Galbraith's ass, and not just because Mr. Affluent Society is dead!" Johnson says with emphasis.

Galbraith:  "In order to play the blues, you must live through a time of affluence and a neglected public sector when you ain't got one thin dime in yo' pocket."

So Becker and Johnson have put together an interdisciplinary major that will be the first among American liberal arts colleges to combine intensive training in both blues and economics, its academic counterpart long known as "the dismal science."

Johnson:  "My woman's demands are totally elastic--she grabs my wallet and maxes out my plastic!"

"What is economics but the blues?" Johnson asks. "You talkin' about a man and a woman, and the return on investment of buyin' that woman a fur coat or a diamond ring when you consider her propensity for takin' her business out on the street--you know what I mean?"

Jimmy Witherspoon:  "Money's getting cheaper--prices getting steeper.  Found myself a woman but the consumer price index rose due to an increase in the money supply!"

"Precisely," says Becker, who came up with the concept of the undergraduate course of study while listening to a Jimmy Witherspoon song one night. "Spoon was singing 'Money's getting cheaper--prices getting steeper'," Becker recalls. "It reminded me of one of Milton Friedman's favorite gags--'Inflation is always and everywhere a monetary phenomenon'. That always cracked me up."

Friedman:  Had one million-selling hit, "Ain't No Such Thing as a Free Lunch".

"Now you talkin'," says Johnson. "I don't care what Paul de Grauwe and Magdalena Polan said in their June, 2001 monograph published in the Katholieke Universiteit Leuven's International Economic Working Papers--Miltie's still the King!"

Chicago's South Side:  Where urban blues and neoclassical price theory collided.

Friedman was for three decades a professor of economics at the University of Chicago, located at ground zero of the urban blues explosion on the city's South Side. He is considered the founder of the "Chicago School" of economics, with its recurring theme of money supply as a determinant of the nominal value of output over hard-driving guitar, piano and harmonica and a rhythmn section of electric bass and drums.

Jimmy:  "And how do you plan to pay for that?"

Johnson considers himself a Friedman fan, even though he wishes one of the Nobel laureate's most famous economic truths were false. "I come in here every day at noon and say 'Jimmy--give me a pulled pork sandwich'," he says. "And Jimmy--he just say 'There's no such thing as a free lunch!'"

Copyright 2006, Con Chapman

Initial reports that Ryan Phillippe and Reese Witherspoon are separating have been confirmed by the couple's publicist. These initial reports were based on the fact that Phillippe and Witherspoon are Hollywood movie stars who have already been together over seven years.