To more accurately reflect her drug use, Amy is changing her name from Winehouse to Crackhouse.

...workers at the Boone's Farm winery showed up to work to find the place vandalized and robbed.  Initially police had no idea who had broken in, and suspected a local gang had perpetrated the crime.  The case was solved when they found 4 teenagers passed out in a store room.  Apparently the vandals couldnt resist sampling the product and became so inebriated they couldnt find their way out. The four were charged with being bad to the Boone.    

Pamela Anderson’s manager recently demanded that photographers shoot her only with a "ring flash," which eliminates imperfections.  If only he’d manage Amy Winehouse or Carrot Top.  

H1N1 is such a menace these days that it's put a dung topping on American Health Care. Yes, the Swine Flu is such a harbinger of doom that human experimentation of the drug seems to be best left alone. If pigs can fly, let's just say a better health care system for U.S. Citizens seems as close as shoving a 1,000 pound sow through the eye of a hypo-needle. 

Unemployment is now 10.2 percent. How bad is the economy? The economy is so bad that Archie is pimping Betty AND Veronica. The economy is so bad that people are using the DMV as a portrait studio. The economy is so bad the former Miss USA, Carrie Prejean, had to pawn her implants. The economy is so bad, Donald Trump had to fire himself. The economy is so bad, the Three Little Pigs can't afford to get swine flu. The economy is so bad, the GEICO caveman ate the GEICO Gecko. The economy is so bad, Madonna adopted a baby from Detroit.

Prisoners at Guantanamo Bay are getting the H1N1 vaccine,while the American public suffers without.They want to personally thank the imperialist swine who delivered it. 

In related news, Al Gore was seen yesterday in a "Big and Tall" store shopping for a hazmat suit.

Alice Wang's has a collection of designs that allow you to share a special night at home with your dog. There's a set of two plates -- one normal plate and one doggy-bowl/plate hybrid -- accompanied by a set of wine glasses, one of which is bent at the stem so your dog can drink from it. There's the little doggie dickey shirt collar so your pooch will be properly attired. And finally, a long pillow lets your dog fall asleep in style.  ***MARLAR: If you can afford to spend that much on a date with your dog, how about you just spring for an eHarmony account?

It takes years and YEARS for drugs to be approved for human use.  Yet, in like 20 days of the arrival of the Swine Flu they had already created the Swine Flu Shot.  Granted the shot has killed like 19 people.  But what if it DID cure you of Swine Flu, but also mutated you due to their speedy process?  Like, "Doctor, I AM feeling better now but, I'm a TALKING F*ckin' Turtle, What am I supposed to do now?  I don't even know Karate!"   

Kellogg's just can't seem to get a break these days. Maybe you remember some weeks back the story about the angry consumer that realized that Froot Loops cereal contains no actual fruit and decided to sue for false advertising. Now Kellogg's is dealing with more false advertising claims, this time from San Francisco City Attorney, Dennis Herrera, who just announced that he has written a letter to the CEO of the cereal company demanding evidence that Cocoa Krispies really "helps support your child's immunity" as it purports to do on the front of the box. Herrera claims Kellogg's is shamefully playing to the public's fears about the recent swine flu epidemic and that they might "mislead parents into believing that serving this sugary cereal will actually boost their child's immunity, leaving them less likely to take more productive steps to protect their children's health." If you haven't seen a box of Cocoa Krispies cereal lately, they do feature a big yellow banner that reads: "Helps Support Your Child's Immunity!" Cocoa Krispies' ingredients do not include flu vaccines and the so-called "immunity" cereal is 40% sugar by weight. Kellogg's company spokesperson, Susanne Norwitz, would only say that Kellogg's Krispies cereals provide consumers with 25 percent of their daily value of vitamins A, C, and E, which play an important role in boosting immunity according to peer-reviewed, published, scientific research. (San Francisco Weekly) ***MARLAR: Using Kellogg’s rationale, I could dip my breakfast burrito into a jar of One-a-Day vitamins and say the burrito now “supports immunity.”