An old hobo saying was, “It was a three dog night”. They didn’t have any blankets so they slept with a dog or dogs to keep warm. The number of dogs explained how cold it was that night.

In Washington, D.C. the politicians had an eight dog night.

Snowmageddon. That's what many in the Washington, D.C. Metro area have called the recent onslaught of wintery weather that descended on the city.

Pat Robertson said that the cause was that the city has been "cursed by one thing after another" since they "swore a pact to the devil."

Sarah Palin after telling the National Tea Party convention that it doesn't really need a "charismatic" leader who leads from a Tele-Prompter, promptly took her lead from her Tele-Prompter Palm Pilot (pen-written notes on the inside of her hand).

The note said, My name is Shara Sarah Pay-lin.

Care-is-mat-tic. En-a-gee. Tack kut cut.

Yep,I live right up the street from Oscar the death detecting cat.

Oscar's the cat that can detect when nursing home patients have just hours to live. He has accurately predicted over 50 deaths. Oscar spends his days roaming the nursing home and refuses to spend any time with the elderly residents unless they are close to death.

The unsociable cat, now five, was adopted as a kitten at the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Centre in Rhode Island.

I know what you’re saying and it’s not, “Boy, he lives right up the street from a death detecting cat. How creepy is that?”

Nope, that’s not what you’re saying. What you’re saying is, “Boy, he lives in Rhode Island. How creepy is that?”

Never mind all that, I’ve got a great idea. I brought all my comedy stuff up to the nursing home and laid it on the floor. Oscar walked all around my papers, not even looking at them or smelling them. Then he suddenly peed on a couple and a few minutes later he took a dump on another one.

This could be a professional breakthrough. I’ll let you know if he was right on those three jokes.

A recent report by two economics professors published in the journal “Science” asked over one million people how happy they were with the state they were living in.

Louisiana ranked number 1 as the happiest state. Several of the poorest states; Mississippi, South Carolina and Alabama ranked in the top ten.

Everyone from the south that filled out the survey said they were “happy as pigs in shit.”

High Unemployment, High Foreclosures, Etc. Etc. Etc. What’s wrong with these professors?

They should be presented with the Deliverance Award.

Eli a 13 pound, 11 month old chimp is a perfect example of how divorce tears families apart. His parents Michael Casey and Virginia Valbuena of Sarasota, are involved in a vicious paternity suit.

Michael, the daddy, is suing his ex-wife Virginia, the mommy, for custody of Eli. Michael claims that she stole the chimp from his monkey farm in Missouri and he questions her fitness as a parent.

Michael wants to have DNA testing to prove the chimp is his. I personally think it looks just like him.

The BELFAST TELEGRAPH has reported that a happily married United Kingdom couple Caroline and Steve Cartwright really pissed off their neighbors, and it wasn’t because of some untrimmed bushes or filthy trash bins. The neighbors complained that Caroline’s obnoxiously loud noises during sex in her own house drowned out nearby televisions, people taking there children to school complained and even the postman objected.

Caroline was first hit with a noise abatement notice ordering her to quiet down in the bedroom. Almost immediately after it was imposed she broke the abatement and then failed in an appeal to have it overturned. The abatement she said breached her human rights.

The judge said: "It was intrusive and constituted a nuisance of a very disturbing nature. It was compounded by the duration and frequency, it went on for hours at a time and every night.” Caroline was placed on 4 year noise probation which she quickly violated on various occasions. And then she was sentenced to 8 weeks in prison. For getting laid???

But why only Caroline? Isn’t Steve also partially responsible for making her scream?

Go Steve! Go! You Da Man!

I think she should appeal on religious grounds. She was probably screaming, oh God! oh God! oh God!