Walmart is now selling it's own line of coffins.So you can be buried in debt,below Aisle 4. 

Walmart has announced that it will aggressively expand its $10 toy program for the 2009 holiday season. Last year the program applied to a total of ten toys, and this year they say it will apply to over 100 toys.   ***MARLAR: In other words, they could’ve afforded to give you a break last year, but decided to stick it to you instead?

A 61 year old man in a Walmart store allegedly slapped a toddler he’d never even seen before because she wouldn’t stop crying. The girl’s mother later told the local news, “That man is probably one of the worst greeters they’ve ever hired!”

It includes a remix, "I wanna rock 'n' roll all nite and stock shelves every day."

A customer shopping at a Walmart told store workers he found 10 human teeth in a wallet he was about to purchase.   Well at least the police can rule out the teeth belonging to a Walmart greeter.

Yesterday, Walmart warned that fourth quarter profits could be 12% below previous estimate.  A spokesperson for Walmart said the company may have to eliminate health care benefits to the five employees that currently receive them.

That's the day after Thanksgiving when retail stores start to make their profit for the year, going from being in the red to being in the black.  Now it's Red Friday.  Seeing Red - two men shot each other in line.  Drawing Red Blood - a WalMart store clerk was trampled to death on Long Island.  Staying in the Red - stores cut prices so low that they may not even stay in business.  

Your soul dies the minute you put pen to paper on a WalMart application. 

In light of this controversial subject, Walmart has come out with a new back-to-school starter kit. It comes with YAZ, the totally hip new pregnancy pill that comes in cool colors to match your iPhone. Also included are a pack of Camels and a 40oz malt liquor.