Toyota announces solution to the Prius brake problem by simply renaming car the Pius…. You still won’t stop and you will still die…but you are guaranteed going to Heaven.

Thousands are without power in Washington DC.....One more if you count Obama...

 Since singer Susan Boyle (who professes being a virgin) has been on TV, there's been a marked drop in suicide bombings.

Apparently many of the terrorists didn't realize what a virgin looked like

Take out insurance policies on everyone you know that owns a Toyota.

Even better, take out policies on people you don't even know.

They're are thousands and thousands of them.  Take out small policies like $1000 each nobody will suspect anything.

Good Luck.

We can talk about it at sentencing or confinement.

I don't know for sure but it seems like the TV show "The Biggest Loser" has been on for a thousand years and I don't know anyone that watches it.

I watched it once or twice when I was in the hospital and bored shitless.

These people aren't just fat, they're huge, enormous, gigantic.  They abuse the privilege.

All they do on the damn show is cry.  They cry from the start of the show till the end.  They cry when they're happy, when they're sad, when they eat, when they sleep and I don't know for sure but they probably cry when they crap.

Is that part of being FAT?  Are their tear ducts fat too, and holding too much water?

They start out needing a sponge, then it goes to towels and then a mop.  By the end of the show they are crying BUCKETS.

NOW THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT???? 

...Iraq said it has executed the man known as "Chemical Ali", who reportedly ordered the gassing of thousands of Iraqis.  A police report determined that Ali was a victim of fair play. 

The body of a man who won a $17m lottery jackpot in 2006 has been found buried under a concrete slab in a backyard behind a home belonging to the boyfriend of a woman who befriended him in 2007.  Proving once again the old adage, that if you plan to kill someone for their lottery winnings, you may want to spend the first few thousand dollars finding a better place to hide the body than under a concrete slab in the backyard of your boyfriend's house.

An animal rights group wants organizers of Pennsylvania's Groundhog Day festival to replace Punxsutawney Phil with a robotic stand-in.  People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says it's unfair to keep the animal in captivity and subject him to the huge crowds and bright lights that accompany tens of thousands of revelers each Feb. 2 in Punxsutawney, a tiny borough about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh.  ***MARLAR: The rest of us think it’s unfair to keep us captive to PETA’s freakish opinions.

A British newspaper is reporting that a intruder was arrested at Susan Boyle's house over the weekend. Police identified the intruder to be none other then General Larry Platt. Platt was found in Boyles bedroom yelling "pants on the ground, pants on the ground, looking for Susan Boyle with my pants on the ground".