A man walked into a bank dressed as Darth Vader.He handed the teller a note that said..................Luke,I am your robber.

SINKHOLE SWALLOWS SUV IN MILWAUKEE-OFFERED ADULT FILM CONTRACT.

I saw a video of a whale jumping on top of a sail boat.................

I wonder if it was just a fluke. 

January, 22, 2010

The United States Redneck Special Forces:

The Pentagon announced TODAY the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces (USRSF)

These boys will be dropped off in Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don’t like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt .

UPDATE (JULY 23, 2010)

News from the field:

Being a USRSF operative in the mid-east mud-flap brigade, I have to say that it feels darn good to finally get some recognition up in this Mo-Fo. Things have been getting a little dicey around these parts as of late. We ran out of Kodiak around last night and the Iraqi chew taste like something out of a Eddie Murphy Love Pump. Although, a tin of Skoal did save Cpl. Billy’s life in a most unexpected way.
We appreciate the warm Milwaukee’s Best light you all been shipping out monthly, as well as the Yosemite Sam tank tops. I will update you further in the upcoming weeks, but for now, I got me a Sherpa to molest. More later..

 A scientist told told Wired UK his theory that "dirty hands" is the cause of the iPhone 4 antenna problems. This might explain why Al Gore's phone wont even turn on.

A British panel on Wednesday (July 7^th) exonerated the scientists caught up in the controversy known as Climategate of charges that they had manipulated their research to support preconceived ideas about global warming.  But the panel also rebuked the scientists for several aspects of their behavior, especially their reluctance to release computer files backing up their scientific work. And it declared that a that graph they produced in 1999 about climate in the past was “misleading” and should have contained caveats.  ***MARLAR: In other words, “You naughty, naughty scientists (hand slap) should be ashamed of yourself.  Okay, now go back to work as usual.”

By Ed Smith's math, the CEO of Walmart earns more in an hour than his employees will earn in a year. Smith, an alderman in Chicago, presented posters at a city council meeting showing that Walmart CEO Michael Duke's $35 million salary, when converted to an hourly wage, worked out to $16,826.92. By comparison, at a Walmart store planned for the Windy City's Pullman neighborhood, new employees to be paid $8.75 an hour would gross only about $13,650 a year.  ***MARLAR: Forcing them to shop at the only place they can afford... Walmart.

Groups that care for Great Danes are preparing for a surge of rejected dogs, expecting the Hollywood movie "Marmaduke" will spur adoptions -- then abandonments -- of cute puppies which can grow to 170 lbs.   In related news, the success of the movie "Eclipse" is expected to prompt a surge of rejected werewolves.

Props to anyone who had Uruguay, Netherlands, Germany, & Spain in the Final Four.

My bracket was ruined when Duke was knocked out.

 A UK woman is claiming to be carrying Landon Donovan's "love child" proving once again that even when he scores, he still loses.