 |
Did you know?
We now allow guest commenting and rating on all our jokes and comedy videos! No need to register, just comment and rate. Go ahead... knock yourself out! Underneath each joke and video you can click on comments to read and post, and click on a star ( ) to rate.
Joke Search Results: Most Recent (From All Time)
Show Me: Most Recent | Highest Rated | Most Views | Most Shared | Most Comments
From Each: Day | Week | 2 Weeks | Month | 3 Months | 6 Months | Year | All Time
This article should help people get rid of their prejudices and discover what a wonderful country China is.You could freely express your opinion about the “Genocide Olympics”there-if you dared..
For example, chinese people are very honest .When they sell you a “hot dog” here in China it REALLY IS a hot dog that you eat.
And since we mention Dogs-The tibetean monks who were incarcerated have as much possibility to get out of jail alive as a fat dog has of getting unharmed out of a chinese kitchen.
These highly aggressive tibetean monks attacked innocent chinese police officers.They repeatedly smashed their foreheads against the police-bats….
Luckily no police bats were harmed! And some of these filthy tibetean bastards intentionally filled the street with their blood so that the poor police officers slipped and fell and hurt their buttocks.How unfair..
The chinese sports-system has been criticized because of the inhuman training routines for young kids.They are degraded and suffer enormous pain doing un-natural things.
But who cares-because thats exactly what grownups voluntary pay their dominatrix for…..
The Mcdonalds restaurants in China offer now a MACTibet.
It consists of some bloody meat of unknown origin that has been beaten with a police bat until it surrenders…ah I mean until it is soft and tender.Some innocent onions that have been fried alive and their wounds soaked with mustard.All with fresh mace.Delicious!
|
 Facebook  MySpace  Twitter  Email     | Comments (0) | Rate it:      |
Just when you have nothing to BLOG about, God sends you an email message like this:
Erica,
May I offer a suggestion? If you are sending out an email to multiple people, please send it under BCC and don't leave addresses exposed to be picked up and used on other groups. It is good "netiquette." Nobody likes to be spammed. To be honest I am not certain how you got my email address but from the other addresses I recognize in the header I suspect it's from a friend or a friend of a friend.
I do not want to be included on future emails that do not have the addresses placed under a BCC. Thank you.
My first thought was: "Oh no! Some gay guy woke up on the wrong side of the bed, this morning, without his lube!" Surely, only a gay man would write something like this, right? But to my surprise, it was a WOMAN! Obviously a very BITTER woman who woke up on the other side of that un-greased gay man's bed!!!. Come on, there is no way a woman could be getting "dicked down" on a regular basis, and have time to write an email like this!
My second thought was: "I need to have this bitch send an email to MR.OLAYINKA ADEBIYI, The SENATE PRESIDENT of the FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA who keeps notifying me that I am the sole beneficiary of the total sum of Twelve Million Three Hundred Thousand Pounds Sterling from my cousin UMARU YAR'ADUA WATSON.
Wait. Let me explain.
On Tuesday I sent out an email blast to invite people out to my monthly comedy show called Wicked Laughter @ Madame X. This month's show is really special because it is being sponsored by the Columbia College Chicago Alumni Network of NYC. I got my M.A. and BA from Columbia College, and a lot of us are here in NYC making things happen. We are having a Networking Mixer before my show next Wednesday, August 29th at 6:30pm. I hope you will join us!
Anyway, I made a mistake and sent out the email without BCC'ing the recipients. Because of me, top secret email addresses and other forms of highly guarded intellectual property got EXPOSED!! Shame on me. Any idiot should know that email addresses must be safely guarded with the highest level of security.
I mean, come on! It's the internet, everything on the internet is secure. If we start letting email addresses get out in the open, can you imagine what would happen next? Soon, people might actually be able to create a fake identity on line, post pictures, write an explicit personal Ad, asking to meet someone special for a onetime intimate encounter at a buddy booth in the back of a sex shop! We may even be able to get a free ring-tone or possibly receive a Macy's gift card all with the push of a button!
That's where we are headed in the near future people. The end is drawing near! FIRST exposed email addresses, NEXT anonymous sex in the clearance section of Macy's to the sound of Rhianna's "Umbrella" playing on your phone. (That sounds kinda fun actually, although I prefer Hurricane Chris's "A Bay Bay" on my phone.)
Seriously, if email exposing continues, the world will become disintegrated and wasted, devoid of all natural resources. Then android-like humans, that are machine-made, will enslave real humans. In order to create the perfect world, a fake world will be created to fool the humans into believing that everything is alright in their world. Then a savior named NEO will join forces with Trinity, and Morpheus to lead the humans to freedom. ……WAIT A MINUTE…….
Oops…that's already been done in the MARIX!
I digress.
I don't know, maybe I just have better things to do with my time. I would never be able to visit www.beyonceworld.net 20 times a day, or www.mediatakeout.com if I sent a response to every unsolicited email that I receive. This chick needs to get a life!
Can you imagine what kind of life she already has? Sex with her has got to be the most boring, politically correct experience on the planet.
Does she spell check her "sexual ecstasy shouts"?
"OMG! OMG! Which is 'netiquette' or 'Acronymic Computer Lingo' for Oh My God! I am cumming! C-U-M-M-I-N-G, not C-O-M-M-I-N-G, which would mean the arrival or approach of something. Then again, I am approaching my climax, not K-L-Y-M-A-X-X, that would be an all-girl funk band from the 80's…..OMG…OMG…I am a Bitter SBF…38…DD Free….Netiquette Expert……OMG…"
BITCH, SHUT UP!!!
And what the hell is "netiquette" anyway? (Sounds like the way a toothless crack-head from Mississippi would say Connecticut). And what losers really follow "netiquette"?
I, Erica Watson, does not play by the rules in real life, so I for damn sure am not going to subscribe to some code of ethics for email. Maybe this really is the MATRIX? If so, I would love to have a threesome with Lawrence Fishburne and Keanu Reeves. (In the BIG GIRL clearance section of Macy's, no doubt! A Bay Bay !)
To finish the story, I guess this woman's concern's have some merit. Just as I was about to send her a curse out email with a bunch of miss-spelled words with everyone I know BCC'd on it, I get an email from one of the other email recipients saying:
Hey Erica:
Can you forward my Social Butterfly Promotions eblast to everyone on this list? Or, do you mind if I send it to them stating your permission. Let me know.
Hopefully, we will see you on Friday!
Malinda Tyson
I guess MS. NETTI (that's short for Netiquette from Connecticut) had a valid point. Malinda was gonna try to steal my precious email addresses to advertise her event! So my apologies MS. NETTI. I stand corrected!!
Hey! I hope you all come to WICKED LAUGHTER @ Madame X on 8/29/07 at 8pm to hear more about this and my other rantings.
And if you are in NYC, and you always wanted to learn how to do Chicago Style STEPPING, please go to Malinda's event. IT IS FREE in HARLEM every Friday. I will be there and I hope you will be too! Come and learn how to "Step in the Name of Love" and meet some beautiful people in NYC!
http://steppers.meetup.com/16/
http://www.myspace.com/socialbutterflypromotions
Harlem After-Work Mingle!
Friday, August 24th, 2007 6pm - 10pm
ZipCode Lounge
2207 Adam Clayton Powell
(btw 131st & 132nd street)
Harlem, New York
|
Facebook MySpace Twitter Email | Comments (0) | Rate it: |
10. You dont give money to just any homeless guy. They are numerous and there is a lot of competition. They have to have a special skill to get your dime 9. Your dogs support staff includes a trainer, groomer, and therapist. 8. You actually purchase bottled water for dogs 7. Ladies, you can have a cocktail and say, "My ex boyfriend left me for another man." 6.You know the only requirement for working in a nail salon is not knowing English 5. Guys, its great having a girlfriend because you only can see the bitch once a week. 4. Who needs the radio when you have the homeless guy getting the wavelengths from above? 3. One of your best guy pals in the world has a new woman that he is madly in love with. Her occupation: Vampire Domintrix 2. You go to a bar and a guy uses the pick up line that he's a pediactriac gynocologist 1. You understand what the hell I am saying and have some insanity to add because you live it.
|
Facebook MySpace Twitter Email | Comments (0) | Rate it:   |
If you thought Fox's new O.J. special was the lowest they could go, you're very wrong. Here are some shows Fox will soon be premiering on a crying, melting television near you.
"The Right To Life Movement's Funniest Home Videos"
"Down Syndrome Dance Party"
“I Married Al Qaeda”
“The Littlest Dominatrix”
“Crystal Meth Makeovers”
"Geraldo Interrogates A Cripple To Death"
"What If JonBenet Lived Long Enough To Grow Up And Eventually Went Wild"
"Bill O'Reilly's Love Chat"
|
Facebook MySpace Twitter Email | Comments (0) | Rate it: |
I was a young 13 year old when I discovered Harvard Square. Back in the '80s, Before Yuppiedom, it was a really cool place to be. I was able to read Playboy and other fine gentlemen's magazines without a batting of an eye. Well, often it ended with, "hey, you, you're too young to read that crap." Needless to say, when Pamela Anderson came on the scene in the early 1990s, it ruined straightahead adult entertainment as we know it.
Then, by the year 1999...BOOM. The turn of the century kicked out the funk and brought in the yuppie trash. Tasty, the Wursthaus, the record store...gone. My favorite bookstore, Wordsworth Books hit the bricks in 2005 because the landlords got it into their heads that yuppies spend more money for shit they don't need. I used to be a huge fan of the Harvard Coop until they handed it over to Barnes and Nobles...I like Barnes and Nobles, but Jesus Tapdancing Christ, when they take over a great institution like the Coop, you don't get workers who will recommend books, you get minimum wage kids who follow you around. Look...you're dedicated to the fine art of browsing - how about letting me browse?
Even Passim, a huge place for the crunchy granola set - the real old-school folksters, not the ones who need extreme anger management classes, the way they write protest songs...hang Bush by his...hey, who cut the fucking mike off again? Come on, the song worked during the Noam Chomsky quote fest! is now a yuppie haven. The minute they hung out the sign for an organic brunch, every Chad, Muffy and Skip ran their butts from Brookline over on Beemers. Oh, miss, my vanilla chai doesn't have enough cinammon. By the fifth demand, patient waitresses at Passim find themselves like their Starbucks comrades...bitter, cynical, and ready to pour hot vanilla chai down your pants...fuck McDonalds, try suing Passim for Vanilla Chai injury. Johnny Cochrane can't defend you...he's fucking dead. And no self-respecting lawyer would defend you...not if the lawyers at Passim have anything to say about it. You thought The Matrix was violent...
|
Facebook MySpace Twitter Email | Comments (0) | Rate it: |
|
Comedians, & Comedy Fans
Sign In to be funny!
|
|
|
Comments (0) | Rate It: 
