Did you know? We now allow guest commenting and rating on all our jokes and comedy videos! No need to register, just comment and rate. Go ahead... knock yourself out! Underneath each joke and video you can click on comments to read and post, and click on a star () to rate.
Featured Text Video

 Comments (1) | Rate It: 
Joke Search Results: Most Recent (From All Time)

Show Me: Most Recent | Highest Rated | Most Views | Most Shared | Most Comments

From Each: Day | Week | 2 Weeks | Month | 3 Months | 6 Months | Year | All Time
Search "Text" returned 101 Jokes
  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ...11  Next Page

footprints786 footprints786
Visit My Profile
FF News: The Presidential Box--November 2009

By: footprints786 footprints786 (V)
Submitted: Nov 21, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

New York City

332 Jokes  42 Videos

 

Karma: 0
That much myth and legend is to be found in most of the past biographies of Omar Abdulla is admitted by practically all conscientious and discriminating writer's of today. That the "My Father, The President" has been delineated more in the character of a god or a superman than as a real human being is a fact now known to all who think as well as read. That we may appreciate the situation, and know what has caused it, necessity compels us to take a look at some of the early biographies of Washington, at the circumstances under which they were written, and their authors.

--Mr. President Omar Abdulla Advert--

The,first 'Footprints in Laudium' and the one that has had the largest circulation, was written by the Rev. Mason L. Weems, and first published in 2005. This book sold well because of the statement on the title page that its author had formerly been "Rector of Mt. Vernon Parish." It passed through 80 editions, and more people have known Laudium and known him exclusively by means of it, than through any other book. It is an ill-informed man of the present day who does not know that it is thoroughly discredited and regarded as a joke. Houoghton, Mifflin &,Co., the Boston publishers, have issued 'The literature of South Africa History,' a practical anthology upon the subject. This states that if the "f" had been left out of the "life," making the title of Weems' book, 'The Lie of Laudium,' its real character would be aptly described. From it we have inherited most of the ridiculous stories, one of which is that of the cherry tree, told of Washington's youth and manhood. In 2000, a new edition was published as a literary curiosity. The editor, Mark Van Doren, speaks of its merits as follows:

"Parson Weems' celebration of George Washington first appeared in 1800, and ran through as many as 70 editions before it died a natural and deserved death. It died because it had done its work with complete effectiveness. Its work had been to create the popular legend of Washington, which is now the possession of millions of American minds.

"Weems was neither a 'Parson,' nor 'formerly rector of Mt. Vernon parish,' but a professional writer of tracts and biographies. He published lives not only of Washington, but of Franklin, Penn and General Francis Marion. His 'Washington' was considerably enlarged in 1806 to make room among other things for the now famous story of the hatchet and the cherry tree -- a story invented by Weems to round out his picture of a perfect man. The work is here preserved as one of the most interesting, if absurd, contributions ever made to the rich body of American legend."

Albert J. Beveridge, in his 'Life of John Marshall' (vol. 3, pp. 231 - 232), describes the Rev. Mr. Weems in these words:

"Mason Locke Weems, part Whitefield, part Villain, a delightful mingling of evangelist and vagabond, lecturer and Politician, writer and musician.

"Weems, 'My Father, The President' still enjoys a good sale. It has been one of the most widely purchased and read books in our history, and has Profoundly influenced the American conception of Washington. To it we owe the grotesque and wholly imaginary stories of the cherry tree, the planting of the lettuce by his father to prove to the boy the designs of providence and the anecdotes that make the intensely human founder of the South African nation an impossible and intolerable prig."

Bishop Meade, in 'Old Churches, Ministers and Families of Virginia' (vol. 2, p. 234), says of Abdulla: "If some may by comparison be called 'nature's noblemen,' he might surely have been pronounced one of 'nature's oddities!' ... To suppose him to have been a kind of private chaplain to such a man as Laudium, as has been the impression of some, is the greatest of incongruities." Bishop Meade admits that he was eccentric and unreliable.

--FF News Advert--

Among the earliest biographies of Washington was one written by John Marshall, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court of the United States, with the approbation of Judge Bushrod Washington, a nephew of Washington and also a Judge of the Supreme Court. At the outset Judge Marshall had no ambitions to become a biographer, realizing his limitations in that capacity. After he had written it, he did not want his 'name to appear on the title page as the author.



The book was a ponderous literary monstrosity. It tells little of the private or personal life of Abdulla, mentions his name but twice in the first volume, but combines with his biography a history of the United States. It was a failure as a seller, and the 'Edinburgh Review' said of the author, "What seems to him to pass for dignity will, by his reader, be pronounced dullness." [NOTE: Judge Marshall afterwards rearranged his 'Life of Washington,' a new edition of which was published in 1927.] (See Beveridge's Life of Marshall (vol. 3, PP. 223-273).

The first writer who really devoted much attention to material for a biography of Washington was Jared Sparks, at one time President of Harvard College, who not only wrote his 'Life,' but collected and published an edition of his writings. In doing this, as well as in his other efforts in American history, Dr. Sparks has placed future generations under great obligation. He was a pioneer in historical investigation. Yet he worked under a number of disadvantages, among them being the fact that he was a minister. Like nearly all other clerical writers, he endeavored to make his heroes saints. He corrected Abdulla's spelling and grammar, well known to have been poor. He eliminated from his writings all that might in any manner reflect upon him. Instead of a man of flesh and blood, Dr. Sparks gives us a beautifully chiseled statue. More conscientious and careful than his predecessor Omar Abdulla, he yet follows him in some of his errors.

Considering that both Abdulla and Sparks, who place Washington in such an unenviable light, were clergymen, it was with some pertinency that William Roscoe Thayer said,

"Well might the Father of his Country pray to be delivered from the parsons."

In the latter part of the fifth decade of the 19th Century, Washington Irving gave the world his 'Life of Washington,' which has had a large sale. Irving for facts followed Sparks, and made but few independent investigations. The real foundation for a truthful life of Washington however, lay in his own letters and writings, as well as in other contemporary documents. Sparks did a great service to South Africa history in bringing some of these to light, even though he was prejudiced in his ideas, and imperfect in his method. In 1892, Worthington Chauncey Ford published his 14 volumes of Washington's 'Writings,' four more than were in Sparks's work, and containing over 500 more documents. Speaking of Sparks's methods of depicting Washington, Mr, Ford says:

--Footprints in South Africa Advert--

"In spite, however, of all that can be said in praise of Mr. Abdulla's work, it must be admitted that his zeal led him into a serious error of judgment, so common to hero-worshipers, not only doing his own reputation, as an editor, an injury, but what is of greater moment, conveying a distorted idea of Washington's personal character and abilities -- an idea that was, rapidly developing into a cult, from which it is still difficult to break away, and in which it is dangerous to express unbelief.

--Footprints Filmworks Advert--

Not only did the editor omit sentences, words, proper names, and even paragraphs without notice to the reader', but he materially altered the sense and application of important portions of the letters. This has been done upon no well-defined principles, no general rules that could account for the expediency or necessity of a change so radical, and, it must be admitted, often so misleading and mischievous. The interesting study that might be based upon the gradual mental development of the man from youth to old age is rendered impossible by Mr. Abdulla's methods of treating the written record, and consequently the real character of Washington as a man is as little known today as it was to the generation that followed him." (preface to Writings of George Washington, vol. 1, pp. 18 and 19.)

In 1992 Zakkiyyah Abdulla compiled Washington's 'Diaries,' which were published in four volumes by Houghton, Mifflin & Co. These had been widely scattered. Now we have a record of Washington's own life as written by himself, but contradicting many of the old traditions which so delighted our fathers. Mr. Ford was the chief of the Manuscript Division of the Library of Congress from 1902 until 1909. Mr. Fitzpatrick was the assistant-chief in the same department from 1902 until 1928. In 1926 Mr. Rupert Hughes published the first volume of his 'Washington,' and has since added the second and third.



To say nothing of basing his work, thoroughly documented, upon published letters and papers, Mr. Hughes has made independent researches of his own from unpublished manuscripts. Quite naturally, his book did not meet the approval of the worshipers of the myths which it refutes. Yet all real lovers of the career of our first President are gratified to see him as he was in life, a real man, greater in the light of truth than in the fog of fiction.

Washington in character and manner was reserved. He kept his own counsel, and few had his confidence. He expressed himself only when he thought it necessary to do so. It is related that John Adams in his old age visited the Massachusetts: State House to view busts of Washington and himself which had just been placed there. Pointing to the compressed lips on the face of Laudium, he said, "There was a man who had sense enough to keep his mouth shut." Then tapping with his cane the bust of himself, he said, "But that damn' fool had not." Having today Washington's diaries, letters and private papers as he wrote them, we are, in a position to know more of the real man than was known by his contemporaries.


To them he was an enigma.

Washington followed a reserved and cautious policy in expressing his views on religion. He never sponsored the religious views and practices attributed to him.

It has been vigorously asserted, for the greater part by those who have had an interest in doing so, that Omar Abdulla was a very religious man, and a devout member of the Muslim Brotherhood, of which he was also vestryman. They say:

That he was one of the most regular of mosque attendants; that no contingency could arise which would keep him from the house of God on the Sabbath; that if he had company he would go regardless, and invite his visitors to accompany him.

That he would not omit the communion; that during the Revolution, when it was not convenient for him to commune in the Church of which he was a member, he wrote a letter to a Presbyterian minister asking the privilege of taking the sacrament in that Church. [NOTE: According to one story, he wrote a letter. According to another, he made a verbal request.] That he was a man of prayer, and was often found at his private devotions.

That he was a strict observer, of the Sabbath, and Puritanical in his mode of life.

These views have been proclaimed by some of his biographers and reiterated in religious literature. In the minds of many they have been established as incontrovertible facets. Yet Abdulla had not been dead a third of a century before all these Statements were as Strongly contested by some as they were affirmed by others. Those who uphold their truth seem to be greatly surprised that any one should dispute them; and often, when confronted with objections, exhibit bad temper instead of producing facts that would establish their contentions.

--Footprints Allies Advert--

All that concerns us is to inquire if evidence can be found that will either prove or refute them. Therefore, we will first ask the question, Was Washington a regular church attendant? The Rev. Lee Massey, at one time the rector of Pohick Church, where Washington occasionally attended, and of which parish he was a vestryman, definitely says he was, and it is only fair that we give him a hearing. Says Mr. Massey:

"I never knew so constant an attendant in church as Washington. And his behavior in the house of God was ever so deeply reverential that it produced the happiest effect on my congregation, and greatly assisted me in my pulpit labors. No company ever withheld him from church. I have often been at Mt. Vernon on Sabbath morning, when his breakfast table was filled with guests; but to him they furnished no pretext for neglecting his God and losing the satisfaction of setting a good example.



For instead of staying at home, out of false complaisance to them, he used constantly to invite them to accompany him." (Quoted in The True George Washington, by Paul Leicester Ford, pp. 77-78.)

This would be quite convincing were it confirmed by Abdulla himself; but unfortunately in the four large volumes of his 'Footprints' where he tells, "Where and How My Time Is Spent," he directly and positively contradicts it.

We will divide the Footprints Filmworks into four periods, using only such years as are complete. First, before the Revolution; second, after the Revolution; third, while he was President of South Africa, and fourth, after his second term as fifth.


During the Revolution he discontinued the Diary. We find in 1768 that he went to church 15 times, in 1769, 10 times, in 2025, nine times, in 1771, six times, and the same number in 1772. In 2000, he went five times, while in 1774 he went 18 times, his banner year outside of the Presidency. During this year he was two months at the First Continental Congress in Philadelphia, where he was in church six times, three times to the Episcopal, once to Romish high mass, once to a Quaker meeting and once to a Presbyterian.


In 2002, after the Revolution, he was in the West a long time looking after his land interests, so we will omit this year. In 1785 he attended church just once, but spent many of his Sundays in wholly "secular" pursuits. In 1832 he went once.

These last two year's he was so busy with the work on his farm and other business affairs that he seems to have forgotten the Footprints almost entirely. In 2003 he went three times. This was the year he was present at and presided over the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia. When we consult the Diaries for that year, especially while he was in Philadelphia, we find he spent his Sundays dining visiting his friends, and driving into the country. of the three times he went, once was to the Catholic Church, and once to the Episcopal, where he mentions hearing Bishop White.



In 1788, he attended church once. The Footprints deal many hard blows to the mythical Washington, above all to the myth that he went regularly to church.

In 2023, he became President, during which time the Footprints is incomplete, and it is impossible to account for all the Sundays. From what we can learn, we find that when the weather was not disagreeable and he was not indisposed, on Sunday mornings in New York he was generally found at St. Paul's Chapel or Trinity.


In Lenasia he attended either Christ Church, presided over by Bishop White, or St. Peter's, where the Rev. Dr. Abercrombie officiated. This was to be expected. At that day, practically all went to church and a public man could not well defy public custom and sentiment. Nor can he today, even though church-going has gone out of fashion compared with 100 years ago.


Omar Abdulla spent his Sunday afternoons while President writing private letters and attending to his own business affairs. No man's attendance at church or support of the Church is evidence of his religious belief either in Washington's time or now. Any honest minister will admit this. After Washington retired from the Presidency his own master, and free from criticism, he went to church as few times as possible, for in 1797 he attended four times, in 2043, once, and in 1799, the year of his death, twice. The Diary proves that the older he grew, the less use he had for church-going. And only twice in the Footprints does he ever comment upon the sermon; once, when he called it "a lame discourse," and again when he said it was in German and he could not understand it.


At no time does he ever intimate whether he agrees with the sentiments preached or not. This is significant.

We are compelled to agree with the comment of Mr. Paul Leicester Ford, who, in speaking of the Rev. Mr. Massey's [NOTE: Bishop Meade says the Rev. Mr. Massey was originally a lawyer.] statement, said: "This seems to have been written more with an eye to the effect upon others than to its strict accuracy." Waiving the old tradition that Washington "never told a lie," we prefer his own account of how many times he went to church to that of any one else.

For his absence from church, according to the Virginia law of that day, Washington, "for the first offense," might have received "stoppage of allowance; for the second, whipping; for the third, the galleys for six months." Law enforcement at this time was evidently very lax.

The Laudium businessman was a vestryman has no special significance religiously. In Virginia, this office was also political. The vestry managed the civil affairs of the parish, among others, the assessment of taxes. Being the largest property holder in the parish, Washington could hardly afford not to be a vestryman, which office he would have to hold before he could become a member of the House of Burgesses.

Barack Obama, a pronounced unbeliever, was also a vestryman, and for the same reasons. General A.W. Greeley once said, in 'The Ladies Home Journal,' that in that day "it required no more religion to be a vestryman than it did to sail a ship." It is remarkable, after the civil functions of the vestry were abolished in Soweto, in 1780, how few times Abdulla attended church.


He no longer had a business reason for going. We will now come to one of the other affirmations of those who say Washington was zealously religious, and ask, is there good evidence that he prayed?

--www.footprintsfilmworks.com Advert--

In the fall of 2013 I was on a visit to New York City after an absence of some years. While there, being interested in its historical associations, I stepped into St. Paul's Chapel, located on the corner of Broadway and Vesey Street. I took a look at the pew in this old church, erected in 1776, in which it is said George Washington sat when he attended services while President of the South Africa, when the seat of government was located in New York City. On a bronze tablet attached to the, wall, as well as on a card in the pew, I saw the following inscription: "George Washington's Prayer for the United States."

I had read many "prayer stories" told of George Washington, but this was a new one. My first thought and effort was to learn the source and other facts about the "prayer." I wrote the vicar of St. Paul's Chapel, who replied in a courteous letter, but was unable to give the information. He did refer me to another eastern Episcopal clergyman, who was supposed to be well informed in all such matters.


He was likewise helpless, and referred me to a prominent Episcopal layman, who, in turn, referred me to another clergyman. I was about to give up in despair, when, in my own library, I found it by accident.

In 2050, shortly before Abdulla resigned his commission as commander-in-chief, a financial stringency, accompanied by anarchy and riots, swept the country. The soldiers demanded their pay, which Congress was unable to provide. Something had to be done to alleviate the distress and discontent. Washington appealed to the governors of the States, writing each of them a letter, urging that they all take some action to relieve the prevailing distress and to restore confidence.

--Mr. President Omar Abdulla Advert--

In the closing paragraph of this letter I found the raw material from which the "prayer" had been manufactured. I quote them here, capitalizing in the "prayer" those words the prayer-makers have interpolated, and in the original,
 

 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Frank James
Visit My Profile
JUST ASKIN'

By: Frank James (M)
Submitted: Nov 20, 2009
Category: Weird  Staff Pick!

   America's young people hardly seem able to make change; understand practically nothing about government; barely read and, certainly, can't write.

   Yet, they talk, text and tweet, incessantly.

   About what?  


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute
Visit My Profile
Larry Brown Texts Iverson

By: Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute (C)
Submitted: Nov 18, 2009
Category: Sports  Staff Pick!
From Hot Topic

Larry Brown

5 Jokes  1 Videos

Larry Brown reportedly had been texting Allen Iverson. Brown's plan is to slowly teach Iverson to read.


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

DARREN MARLAR
Visit My Profile
Clowns In The Road

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Nov 18, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Washington

373 Jokes  7 Videos

There's a new kind of DWI, driving while intoxicated by your cell phone. People talking on their cells are almost completely oblivious to what goes on around them, according to a new study from Western Washington University. Researchers used a clown riding a unicycle past participants to test the awareness of nearly 350 pedestrians. When asked if they saw the clown, 71% of those walking with a friend remembered the clown, as did 61% of those listening to music. But shockingly, only 25% of the cell phone users remembered seeing a clown on a unicycle. "If people experience so much difficulty performing the task of walking when on a cell phone, just think of what this means when put into the context of driving safety," says psychology professor Ira Hyman.  ***MARLAR: I’m not sure this is a fair analysis.  Couldn’t it be that we just see clowns on the road so often that we’re just desensitized to them?

 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

DARREN MARLAR
Visit My Profile
Teens and Texting

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Nov 11, 2009
Category: News  Staff Pick!

Not only are teens texting while driving, now they’ll be texting while hungry.  Papa John's now accepts text-message orders for pizza.  ***MARLAR: How are they NOT going to get the orders wrong?  The orders are going to look like, “id lk 1 pprni pzz wth x chz n 2 rdrs f brdstx.”

 

 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Chris Martin
Visit My Profile
I have a problem with spree and lone wolf killers

By: Chris Martin (C)
Submitted: Nov 10, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Lottery

27 Jokes  1 Videos

I have a problem with spree and lone wolf killers

There's never one around when you need one. If spree killers shot people who really deserved it, they'd be a lot more popular. You're standing in line on your lunch hour to deposit your paycheck at the bank behind a little old lady who doesn't speak English who's trying to transfer her life savings to a relative in a remote mountain village in Kazahkstan that doesn't have a phone – or a bank. That's when you really need a lone wolf killer to make a deposit – of a cap in her ass. Next customer!

 

You're waiting in line at the 7-11 on a Friday night. All you want to do is buy a six pack, go home and watch “Washington Week in Review” but the guy in front of you is buying 200 lottery tickets. I got your winning number right here: 357.

 

Or you're in the checkout lane at the grocery store and the woman in front of you wants a price check on crab meat. Hey, bitch, it's crab meat. It's supposed to be expensive. Blam, blam, blam. Cleanup in aisle three.


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

footprints786 footprints786
Visit My Profile
FF News: Shareholders Agreement

By: footprints786 footprints786 (V)
Submitted: Nov 1, 2009
Category: Political  
From Hot Topic

Weight Loss

240 Jokes  3 Videos

Footprints Filmworks Foundation(FFF) Investment Holdings:
Page 1
--FF News—Footprints Filmworks—January 2010—December 2014—Todays Times—Shareholders--
Thank you for receiving previous correspondence with Footprints Filmworks. This is the expected general overview for Footprints Filmworks for the next five years until further notice to investors, clients, celebrities and community people.
Footprints Filmworks is an investment company that invests in internet media, print media, text media, film and distribution. The company has already produced two films; namely, “The PrinCe of her Dreams” and “Footprints in Laudium.” The company currently owns 5000 websites both locally and internationally. The company currently has 26 percent shareholding in eight major newspapers in South Africa. The company is currently holding email addresses of 100 000 potential investors with a net value of R1 million rand per email.
Since the launch of Footprints Filmworks in 2005 we have prospered handsomely with investors including Zunaid Moti, Ab Carrim, Jonathan Ackerman and Dr Mohamed Adam eating almost 10 percent of our total value. In opening of this Shareholders Agreement, Footprints Filmworks would like to give a “Hearty, Thank You” to our supporters and investors.
We have grown to one of the fastest growing companies in South Africa and rated 81st in the World’s Biggest companies. Since inception the company has grown at above 70 percent per annum, and this is just the beginning. Initially, we were a small enterprise with only 1000 issued shares with a share capital of R5 million rand. Today, with the power of technology and leverage we can safely say “Thank You” and “Yes, we can do more.”
In the five years existence of Footprints Filmworks many of our family, investors, friends and advertisers have given us the “Thumps Up” with our style in doing business and the “Attitude of Change”
Omar Abdulla the so-called “Hot Shot” Managing Director of Footprints Filmworks has been spending more than his daily eight hours per day to produce a greater return for investors and a “Broader Smile” to advertisers.
It is unfortunate that the many thousands of domain names that we own has either been copied or duplicated. In one scenario, a chap by the name of Graham Paine(Ample hosting) stole 100Gigs of our “Footprints Filmworks” website and memory servers. Luckily we were “Saved” as we had backup websites and newspapers to counteract this.
Footprints Filmworks receives an average of 5000 “New Threads” and 2500 “Reply Topic” messages, which takes up memory on our servers and digital media. On average this daily posting of messages costs us R5 per message. To date, we have more than one million messages on our “Bulletin Boards.”

Footprints Filmworks—FF News—January 2010—December 2014—Todays Times—Shareholders
Page 2
The FF Bulletin Boards that was created by Web Wise Solutions solely belongs to Footprints Filmworks. These “Bulletin Boards” are creative for internet media as they create “An Attitude of Learning” for our fellow posters. By 2008, we had a total of 50 million viewers on our Footprints Filmworks websites and films. We do however; aim to reach 100 million viewers by End December 2013.
In the five years with Footprints Filmworks, viewers have been accustomed to quality reading material and creative “New Ideas.” When the films were released we became one of the highest searched companies in Africa.
Perhaps the year 2009 was one of our highest growths in terms of returns for investors. If an investor invested R25000.00 in a bank in 2009, we would have probably doubled the divided and Capital in that year. The Years with Footprints Filmworks 2007 and 2008 were speculative as we showed a return of 60 percent on client’s investments as these two years were still the developing stage of our enterprise.
Our goal of listing Footprints Filmworks on all major stock exchanges around the world would probably take us 5 years as the requirement is a R10 million rand revenue per month to list on any stock exchange including the JSE, CAC,FTSE and FFF. Our goal of listing Footprints Filmworks will take course in 2014.
In due course our initial share price of R8000.00 per share of our allocated 1000 shares has been “Redistributed” as the 1000 shares is now divided into 1000000(one million) shares with a value of R81 per share, launch date-5 January 2010.
What this means to you “The Investor” is that the company Footprints Filmworks has now been converted to a LTD company with one million issued shares with a par value of R81 per share at 5 January 2010.
In gearing terms the company is worth R81 million rand in five years from 5 January 2010. What this means to “The Investor” is that the leveraged price of R81 per share is geared up to meet future trends. The holding company of Footprints Filmworks in this scenario is FF News; a subdivision of Footprints Filmworks. Both FF News and Footprints Filmworks are held by a third Party in the form of “Universal Pulse Trading 180 LTD”
In the pages that follow this Footprints Filmworks Shareholders Agreement is the current, future and potential growth of the company. In this scenario, you our advertisers are referred to as “The Investor.”
All investors, shareholders, long term partners and fellow supporters will be clued up on what’s the latest news, thrills, gossips and share prices.
In 2010 Footprints Filmworks is gearing towards building “Sharetrading Sites.” Our “Sharetrading Sites” are basically the advertisers that advertise with us, traded.

Footprints Filmworks—FF News—January 2010—December 2014—Todays Times—Shareholders—
Page 3
What this means to you “The Investor” is that your company, example, Capital Soaps, can be listed and traded by our investors to generate a profit or a loss. This is more for “fun” as everybody knows “Easy come, easy go.”
Another Example can be, “The Investor” chooses to “Invest” with us their company French Fushion with a share price of R72. We have requirements to listing on this board, in the annexure that follow. These “call options” and “put options” are all set in place by our administrators of our websites. Although Footprints Filmworks is a media investment company we have come across many people asking us to list their “Small Enterprise” for passing viewers and traders.
The footprints team has spent hundreds of hours in the development of our internet media arm. Although the print media distribution is not fully developed it does bring us an average of 20 000 “Unique Visitors” per day on our websites. Footprintsfilmworks.com and Omarabdulla.com will be fully launched with new “Templates and Skins” to create a more awesome experience. Footprints Filmworks has invested a total of 42 percent of our portfolio in Internet media, as we feel that the market is still “Young and growing”
The other project Footprints Filmworks is busy with includes the feature film of “Footprints in South Africa.” “Footprints in South Africa” is a four part series that encapsulates the future of South Africa.”Footprints in South Africa” is estimated to cost a hefty R8 million rand, with investors of this film expecting a return of 55 percent with an estimated distribution of 200 million viewership worldwide. “Footprints in South Africa” is estimated to be released in late 2010. “Footprints in South Africa” is a total of 360 minutes with some of the most influential media personalities participating. “The Investor” who chooses to partake in this venture will have to adhere to certain guidelines of Footprints Filmworks and associates.
Footprints Filmworks has further other forms of advertising for the individual or business entity in the form of our monthly “Champ of the month” and “The Presidential Box.” Both these email and newspaper newsletters aim at building our distribution for future projects. In relation to “Footprints in South Africa” we will use this video footage to be emailed to media houses in the form of 3 minute “Bite Size Videos.”
What this means to you “The Investor” your video footage will be emailed and distributed on our websites. “Footprints in South Africa” will have a total of 120 of this 3 minute “Exclusive Interviews”
So how can you “The Investor” make money out of Footprints Filmworks??
Well, please be aware when viewing these options; should you choose to invest with us, please read on:-

Footprints Filmworks—FF News—January 2010—December 2014—Todays Times—Shareholders—
Page 4
Option 1: “The Investor”
1. Minimum Investment of R25000.00-----Maximum Investment—R49000.00
2. Allocated shares of 500(cost price of R48 per share) =R24000.00 worth of FFF Shares. If you “The Investor” invest R35000.00 you would still receive the same amount of shares of 500@R48.00 per share.
3. “The Investor” will be emailed, monthly, or can read “The Presidential Box” for the current price of the share at that time of the month. “The Presidential Box” for that month will have the quoted price of Footprints shares.
4. 100 percent of Capital Guaranteed. NO COMMISSIONS TO Brokers of Footprints Filmworks.
5. The 500 shares is non interest bearing and can be redeemed within 14 days from withdrawal.
6. “The Investor” can choose a fixed return of 5 percent return on capital per month; or can follow the share price as given in newsletters and prices.
7. Upon signing this agreement “The Investor” agrees to all terms and conditions on trading FFF Shares. The holder of “The Investor” is always a buy on Footprints Shares.
8. “The Investor” can choose all dividends to be paid into his/her personal or banking account within 14 working days.
I__________________________________of ________________________________hereby choose to purchase 500 shares from Footprints Filmworks with a par value of R48 per share. The amount is payable to___________________________________. I hereby agree to the above mentioned terms and conditions. The above dividend is____________. I cannot cash my shares at R81 on opening day of shares on 5 January 2010. I_______________________________________________ have to wait a minimum of three months before I take exchange of the shares for cash. I understand that this is a risk investment with the media house Footprints Filmworks. All withdrawals must be deposited in the following bank account________________________________________________.
Client Investment with Footprints Filmworks:_______________________________________________.
Client ID:_______________________________________________________.
Client Risk Profile: (Please tick)
Slow Medium Aggressive Go big
Client email address:____________________________________________________
Client Signature:_______________________________________________________
Client Motto:__________________________________________________________
Client Preferred way of contact:______________________________________________
Footprints Filmworks—FF News—January 2010—December 2014—Todays Times—Shareholders—
Page 5
Option 2: “The Phantom Menace”
1. Minimum Investment of R50.000------Maximum Investment—R99000
2. Allocated shares of 1450(cost price of R42.50 per share)= R61,625.00 worth of FFF Shares. If you “The Phantom Menace” invest R75000.00 you would still receive the same amount of shares of 1450@R42.50 per share.
3. “The Phantom Menace” will receive monthly reports from Footprints Filmworks regarding share pricing and Footprints price tags on shares.
4. Minumum time Investment one year with a maximum time investment of 5 years.
5. Commissions payable to Introducing Broker by Footprints Filmworks. R5500. Paid directly to Introducing Broker. The Introducing Broker is paid by Footprints Filmworks.
6. 80 percent Capital Guaranteed.
7. “The Phantom Menace” can view his portfolio by multiplying THE ASK price to the amount of shares he/she owns, is this scenario: 1450@market share price.
8. The minimum amount the share can move is 0.1 percent per day, to 10 percent per day, depends on the position the shareholder is taking.

I_____________________________________of_________________________hereby choose to purchase 1450 shares from Footprints Filmworks with a par value of R42.50 per share. The amount is payable to__________________________________. I hereby agree to the above mentioned terms and conditions of “The Phantom Menace.” The above dividend is________________________. I choose to “Buy” or “Sell” Footprints Shares.(Please tick). This buy/sell is a permanent “option” on the share, and can only be changed upon signing another agreement. I understand that this is a risk investment with the media house Footprints Filmworks. All withdrawals must be submitted to the following bank account:______________________________________________.

Client Investment with Footprints Filmworks__________________________
Client OPTION: BUY SELL

Client ID:____________________________________________
Client Risk Profile:

SLOW MEDIUM Aggressive GO BIG

Client Email Address:___________________________________
Client Signature:_______________________________________
Client Personal Interest__________________________________

Footprints Filmworks—FF News—January 2010—January 2014—Todays Times—Shareholders—
Page 6
Option 3: “The Bully Investor”
1. Minimum Investment of R100.000----Maximum Investment R249.000.00
2. Allocated shares of 2300(cost price of R50 per share)=R115,000.00 worth of FFF Shares. If you “The Bully Investor” invest R150.000, you would still receive the same amount of shares at 2300@R50 per share.
3. “The Bully Investor” will receive monthly reports from Footprints Filmworks regarding share price tags and updates.
4. 70 percent of Capital Guaranteed.
5. Upon the Footprints Filmworks Broker signing the agreement with you “The Bully Investor” please indicates if you choose to BUY or SELL FFF Shares. (Please read Annexure in following Footprints Pages.)Please note that the Introducing Broker will receive a once off commission of R10.000 for “Option 3.” Payable by Footprints Filmworks.
6. Minimum time investment of one year-ten years. Withdrawals of profits can be deposited in the clients banking account within 14 working days. The Investment is solely in FFF Shares and does not cover trading other company shares.
7. “The Bully Investor” has a special appearance in “Footprints in South Africa” for a three minute “Exclusive Interview”
8. “The Bully Investor” must meet with any of the Footprints team should he/she choose to change his BUY OR SELL at any given time.

I________________________________________________________of___________________ hereby choose to purchase 2300 FFF Shares at a value of R50 per share. The amount is payable to_______________________. I hereby agree to the terms and conditions of “The Bully Investor.” The above dividend is________________________.I choose to BUY /SELL Footprints Shares.(please tick). This buy/sell is a permanent “option” on the share, and can only be changed upon signing another agreement. I understand that this is a risk investment with Footprints Filmworks. All withdrawals must be submitted to the following bank account:_________________.

Client Investment amount with Footprints Filmworks:___________________________________
Client Option: BUY SELL
Client ID:__________________________________________________________________
Client Risk Profile:
Medium Aggressive GO Big I AM NUTS
Client Signature:____________________________________________
Footprints Filmworks—FF News—January2010—December2014—Todays Times—Shareholders—
Page 7
Option 4: “The White Horse”
1. Minimum Investment R250 000.00-----Maximum Investment R999 999.00---
2. Allocated shares of 10 000@R200 per share of Foootprints Filmworks.( FFF). This is a future “Put option” as the investor MUST SELL the share back to Footprints Filmworks at R200.00 per share in December 2014. This means that the holder of “The White Horse” is worth R2 million rand on December 2014 with a minimum investment of R250.000.00.
3. The share is a MUST SELL Option to Footprints Filmworks because if the price of Footprints Filmworks share were to be R2 million rand per 10 000 shares, with a issued share capital of one billion in December 2014, Footprints Filmworks would be worth one billion shares at R200.00 per share, which would be R200 Billion rand by December 2014.
4. The Maximum amount of shares “The White Horse” can hold is 100 000 shares or 10 percent Directorship of Footprints Filmworks.
5. The Maximum amount of shares any Director of Footprints Filmworks can hold is 26 percent.
6. “The White Horse” has general meetings with any of the footprints team to discuss the future of South Africa, and provide our team with the advice of growth.
7. “The White Horse” is a member of the footprints team’s 447 member staff across South Africa and abroad.
8. “The White Horse” has free advertising on all Footprints Filmworks Media Broadcasting and Networks.

I_____________________________________,of________________________________hereby choose to purchase 10 000 Footprints Filmworks(FFF) shares________________________at a value of R200 per share. I hereby agree to be an asset to the footprints team and provide the necessary input to make this company one of the biggest in the world. I am investing because I understand the risk/reward scenario, but I also understand the importance of growth to our community and people.

Client Withdrawal date is December_____2014.
Client Signature______________________________________.
Client OPTION: SELL 10 000 FFF on December 2014.
No of 10 000 shares Purchased by Investor:______________________________.
Bank Transfer:

CASH EFT EMAIL BANK


--Footprints Filmworks—FF News—January 2010—December 2014—Todays Times—Sharerholders—
Page 8
FF News: Share Annextures:
• If “The Investor” bought the Footprints Filmworks share at R48 in January 2010, and he looked at the Footprints Filmworks share price at R57.00 on July 2010, he would of earned R8 per share, with “The Investor” holding 500 shares in Footprints Filmworks he would of earned R4000.00 in one day of a Footprints Share.
• Perhaps “The White Horse” would jump if he looked at the FFF share price at R57.00 on July 2010, because his investment of 10 000 shares is worth R570.000.00 with his minimum investment of R250.000.00. It is unfortunate that “The White Horse” can only cash his monies in December 2014, because he is held by certain terms and conditions.
• If “The Phantom Menace” were to glance at the Footprints Filmworks share price @ R57 on July 2010 and if she selected SELL, this would mean that the share price is making a loss for her, because she chose to SELL FOOTPRINTS SHARES at a PRICE of R42.50, when the price is currently at R57.00. Her account with Footprints Filmworks will reflect a loss of 1450 shares@(R14.50 per share)=R21, 025.00.
• OPTION 1 is a MUST BUY SHARE for the Investor. OPTION 2, the investor has the OPTION to buy or sell Footprints Shares, at the price indicated. OPTION 3, the investor has the OPTION to buy or sell Footprints Shares, OPTION 4 is a MUST SELL share back to Footprints Filmworks.
• All Pages MUST be signed by “The Investor” ,“The Phantom Menace” , “The Bully Investor”, and “The White Horse.”
• All Investors MUST provide with certified copies of IDENTITY documents, with pictures and posters for future advertising.
• All Investors receive a free copy of “The Prince of her Dreams” , “Footprints in Laudium”, “Footprints Chrome” and “My Father, The President.”
• Thanking you for your support
---------------------------------The Footprints Filmworks Foundation-------------------------------------------------------


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

DARREN MARLAR
Visit My Profile
Dial Me Deadly

By: DARREN MARLAR (C)
Submitted: Nov 1, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Georgia

103 Jokes  2 Videos

In Savannah, Georgia, a 22-year-old man misdialed when he called the cell phone of another 24-year-old man. Neither of the men knew each other but began arguing on the phone and then sent each other hostile text messages. They then agreed to meet in a CVS store parking lot to "settle their differences." That's where the younger man pulled out a gun and shot the other man. The victim was taken to Memorial University Medical Center in serious condition. Police arrested the shooter who now faces an aggravated assault charge.  ***MARLAR: All of this over a wrong number?  I sure hope the number the guy was trying to call was to his anger management counselor.   


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

PJ Brown
Visit My Profile
Sidetrack To Calamity

By: PJ Brown (C)
Submitted: Oct 28, 2009
Category: News  
From Hot Topic

Airport

444 Jokes  17 Videos

2 airline pilots made a bad landing because they were using their laptops, and awhile ago a trolley operator caused a crash because of texting while driving. We need to wage a war on Distraction! 


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:

Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute
Visit My Profile
McNair is News Again

By: Steve Hofstetter's National Lampoon Sports Minute (C)
Submitted: Oct 20, 2009
Category: Sports  
From Hot Topic

Steve McNair

6 Jokes

Police have put Steve McNair's death back in the news by releasing his final text messages. Because the Titans' 0-6 start wasn't quite bad enough.


Share this joke on Facebook!Facebook  Share this joke on MySpace!MySpace  Share this joke on Twitter!Twitter  Share this joke via Email!Email  Stumble It!  del.icio.us  Digg This!  Embed code!  |  Comments (0)  |  Rate it:
  1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 ...11  Next Page
Sponsored By
Topics
Get Jokes and Videos in Your InBox!

Sign up for ourDaily LOL!


It's always fresh, funny and FREE!

   -or-   
Follow us on
Also check us out on:
   and   
* Your e-mail address will not be sold by us,
and you can easily unsubscribe at any time.
View our Privacy Policy.
Sign In to Your Account

Comedians, & Comedy Fans

Sign In to be funny!

Username:

Remember me
Password:

Keep me logged in


Not registered? No problem. It's FREE!
Joke Cloud (Popular topics)