It's no fun being a sports fan in Houston,Texas.Kids are taught the Heimlich Maneuver at a very early age.

The Obama administration should bar a $1.5 billion wind-farm project in Texas from receiving U.S. government stimulus funds because most of the power turbines would be made in China, Senator Charles Schumer said.   I say build the wind-farm in DC and power it with all the hot air coming from Congress. 

I raise mechanical bulls down here in Texas.Some people say the nuts are a great delicacy.

Former President George W. Bush made his debut as a motivational speaker Monday night, telling a Texas crowd it’s futile to waste energy chasing popularity.

The next stop on Bush’s speaking tour: a Texas rehab center… where he will tell patients that being an alcoholic and an addict doesn’t mean you can’t be President.

Bush will follow this up with an engagement at the National Convention for Motivational Speakers… where he will tell his colleagues that a poor vocabulary is, in fact, a prerequisite for motivational speaking.

Over the course of the past 3 years, at least 6 different Dallas cops (and their supervisors) ticketed at least 39 drivers for the “offense” of “driving while not speaking English”.

When Police Chief David Kunkle learned of the citations he lost his shit.

Pending cases will be dismissed, and those who paid the $204 fine for the charge, which does not exist in the city, will be reimbursed, Kunkle said.

However, all drivers cited for DWB (Driving While Black) are still expected to appear in court and pay the fine. 

Texas quarterback Colt McCoy says his injured thumb is okay. Hopefully, because after the Rams draft him, he'll need it to hitch hike out of St. Louis.

Delonte West plans to travel with the Cavaliers to Texas for their next two games. In fact, he's already called shotgun.
 

An incinerator caught fire at the University of Texas in Galveston.  Authorities are still looking into the cause of the blaze. ***MARLAR: I’m thinking it had something to do with it being an incinerator.

Texas police responding to a store’s burglar alarm found a less than hardened criminal inside: He was 4, and playing with the toys. Detective Randy Stevens says the child apparently unlocked a door at his nearby home and crossed a street to reach the discount store. When the boy was asked how he got inside, he informed officers that a strange man invited him inside to play. The store is owned by the one time king of pop Michael Jackson.

Milton Bradley could be headed to the Tampa Bay Rays, San Diego Padres or Texas Rangers. Or maybe prison.