People who ridiculed the Richmond, Virginia grocery chain Ukrop's for years by calling it Ukrap's now have a new name to play with. Dutch supermarket group Ahold has bought Ukrop's, opening up a whole new can of ridicule. Even more amusing, the company's full name is Royal Ahold.

The thought of buying your groceries from a company called Ahold is probably why Ukrop's will be renamed Martin's. Since it's a Dutch company, let's hope they tell their new employees to wash their hands after putting their fingers in any dikes.

Because he only fucks up. 

People keep asking me, "Did ya watch the big game?" and "How about the super bowl?"

Let me explain something.  I don't watch football and I don't care about football.  I'll explain why that is.  Without argument, The NFL Superbowl is the largest event for the sport.  It's said that more people watch it than any other single broadcast in the country.  Now at least 80-90% of people I talk to say, "I only watch it for the commercials..."

WHAT!?!?!?!  WTF!  Seriously?

 So, the commercials are better than the game?  And we aren't talking about the minor leagues, either, we're talking about the Annual Pinnacle of the sport!  And more people watch it for the commercials than the game?  These same people would tell you they don't like commercials and that they are thankful for their DVR so that they can fast forward through them.  READ THIS:  If the commercials are better than the game and commercials suck, then why would I watch the game, much less any of the less-anticipated games of the season?  

I'm starting to wonder if Hal-mark or Hershey is somehow behind this.  Way to create another holiday, guys!

 Then again, I'm also assured that I "just don't understand football."

People keep asking me, "Did ya watch the big game?" and "How about the super bowl?"

Let me explain something.  I don't watch football and I don't care about football.  I'll explain why that is.  Without argument, The NFL Superbowl is the largest event for the sport.  It's said that more people watch it than any other single broadcast in the country.  Now at least 80-90% of people I talk to say, "I only watch it for the commercials..."

WHAT!?!?!?!  WTF!  Seriously?

 So, the commercials are better than the game?  And we aren't talking about the minor leagues, either, we're talking about the Annual Pinnacle of the sport!  And more people watch it for the commercials than the game?  These same people would tell you they don't like commercials and that they are thankful for their DVR so that they can fast forward through them.  READ THIS:  If the commercials are better than the game and commercials suck, then why would I watch the game, much less any of the less-anticipated games of the season?  

I'm starting to wonder if Halmark or Heshey is somehow behind this.  Way to create another holiday.

 Then again, I'm also assure that I "just don't understand football."

Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid are having lunch at a posh Washington restaurant.  She's telling him what a fool he is and how he ought to do this and do that.  People in the restaurant notice how he's getting lambasted by her - it's quite embarrassing.

A waiter, hurrying down the aisle, trips and spills an entire bucket of melted ice water on Pelosi's head.  Immediately, she screams and begins to melt.  She fades into a puddle muttering "What a world ...what a world."  

Reid looks up at the waiter, and says.  "How do you like that?  It works on bitches too."

Man walks into a church and heads to the confessional.

"Father, I've done something terrible."

Naturally, the priest is comforting.  "Now, son, God forgives all sins if you're truly sorry.  I assure you that nothing you've done is as terrible as some of the things I've heard before." 

The man then confesses to five-year adulterous relationship with a local beautician.

After sighing deeply, the priest says:  "Well, that's pretty bad stuff.  This isn't going to be any three Hail Mary's and an Our Father.  Naturally, you'll have to cut it off."

The man gulps.  "Cut it off?  Surely, there must be something else I can do, Father."

"SINNER!", the priest shouts.  "I'll accept no excuses.  If you're truly sorry you'll cut it off immediately.  If not, there's no absolution for you.  Now, go cut it off right now and come back here and tell me when it's done."

The man, obviously distraught, leaves the confessional in a hurry.  As directed, he returns within the hour.

In a slightly higher voice, he says to the priest.  "Well, Father, I've done it - I've cut it off."

The priest says:  "That's good son.  How did she take it?"   

Psssssstttttt!  Hey, Listen, 

Osama Bin Laden Is Dead. 

Don't tell anyone.