...workers at the Boone's Farm winery showed up to work to find the place vandalized and robbed.  Initially police had no idea who had broken in, and suspected a local gang had perpetrated the crime.  The case was solved when they found 4 teenagers passed out in a store room.  Apparently the vandals couldnt resist sampling the product and became so inebriated they couldnt find their way out. The four were charged with being bad to the Boone.    

A high-pitched tone developed in Europe to drive teenagers out of public places is now being used by teenagers as a ringtone.  ***MARLAR: Proving that there is no sound so annoying that teenagers won't think it is music.

Claude Levi-Strauss, eminent anthropologist, has died at the age 100. I wondered how he would be remembered until I went to the mall and seen all the teenagers with their jeans at half-staff.

Authorities say a store owner and a patron thwarted a teen accused of trying to carry out a robbery by concealing a banana beneath his shirt to resemble a gun. Winston-Salem authorities said the 17-year old entered the Internet café Thursday and demanded money, saying he had a gun. The owner Bobby Ray Mabe, said he and a customer jumped the teen, holding him until deputies arrived. In a related story a teen was attacked at a Starbucks in Charlotte, by the female manager and her female assistant. Both of them were heard yelling “I know it’s not a gun it’s a banana” Onlookers were shocked to discover that the concealed weapon was neither a gun nor a banana, but rather the teenagers large man member. Police later confirmed that the teenager decide not to press charges and seemed to have a silly grin on his face.

The Hindu Dussera is a day of "joy" every year, celebrating Durga's whipping of the demon Mahishasura.

So, how do they celebrate the holiday at a 300-year-old temple in Tamil Nadu’s Namakkal district?

By beating the shit out of young girls, of course.

2,000 women, teenagers, and children, some as young as 10, were whipped by the temple’s priests last Wednesday… for 5 fucking hours. 

The priests’ retarded reasoning: The beating is a cure-all.

(They’ve clearly never heard of NyQuil.)

The whippings proved indiscriminate, as some girls were lashed for being slow to reach puberty, while menstruating teens were attacked for being impure.

Apparently, these Hindu priests adhere to the tenants of Catholicism… You’re damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

A 41-year-old man was arrested on Monday at a Florida beach after allegedly pretending to drown and tossing jellyfish at teenagers.

The “aquaman” was promptly arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication and carrying a concealed weapon… a Portuguese Man of War.

I've been 30 years old for almost a year now, but I'm noticing things about myself lately that I think are surefire signs that I'm getting older...

1. My back will hurt for no good reason.

2. When I have gas, I don't hold it in as much. (Not that I CAN'T, mind you...I JUST DON'T CARE! Could be on line at the bank, could be in an elevator...it could even be in the middle of foreplay! Like James Brown said...got to release that pressure!)

3. I spend more time dabbing and shaking than I do peeing.

4. I like babies more, and teenagers less.   

The Senate will vote on a bill that would give the FDA regulation control over big tobacco.  If it passes, teenagers can expect to be targeted by a new cartoon named "Uncle Sam Camel".  

A Tokyo park has started playing an unbearable, high-pitched tone at night that only young people can hear to help drive away teenagers who keep vandalizing the toilets and other facilities.  If that doesn't work, authorities say they will begin playing Jessica Simpson records.

Can listening to sexually aggressive lyrics prompt teenagers to have sex at an earlier age?

That's the issue raised by a new study, and it could unleash a fierce debate over whether a teen's music player is potentially risky and -- if so -- what should or can be done about it.

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I always thought getting naked in the back seat prompted teenagers to have sex.