Don't have a tattoo; never had any desire to get one--until this Lord-have-mercy, go-home-and-throw-your-wife-the-hell-out, stunner of a female tattooist moved into the neighborhood.

   Am tempted to avail myself of her, no doubt, tender services.

   Then, I'd be able to brag to my buddies that she had designs on me. 

The 22-year old Brooke Hundley proved her affair to Phillips' wife by describing a tattoo on hubby's left ass cheek showing a New York Mets logo mooning George Steinbrenner!

 MacDonald’s has lattes. 7-11 sells food that actually has less plastic in it than the containers it comes in. I’m concerned about a disturbing trend in microwave dinners where you have to remove the dinner half way through and stir the entree. Isn’t this making us work for our food a lot more than we really want to? And how about the deterioration in the Barley Legal video series? Nothing says youthful innocence like a set of 38-inch implants, a pierced vagina and 40 hours of tattoo work.

A robbery suspect’s note made a Chicago bank job easy to solve. The FBI says the suspect wrote it on his pay stub. The FBI says the man walked into the Fifth Third Bank on Friday and handed a teller a note that read: “Be quick be quite. Give your cash or I’ll shoot.” He got about $400. The suspect was later arrested at his place of employment, a local tattoo parlor, where he was getting a tattoo of his own which read, “I just robbed the Fifth Third Bank”

After a night of drinking a bottle of vodka, a Swedish man woke up the next morning to discover the tattoo of a penis on his leg.  He later learned from his friends that he agreed to be tattooed as long as the artist had free rein on the design.

Back in July, 21-year-old singer Rihanna was spotted inking up some others at East Side Ink tattoo parlor in the East Village. The problem is that's not legal when you aren't licensed. As a result, the New York City Department of Health and Mental Hygiene has slapped the already battered singer with a citation. Her punishment: a $2,000 fine and 10 minutes alone in a room with Chris Brown.

The other day I was walking the street with a muscle bound hunk with a bunch of tattoos. Everyone wanted to know where I found him. Well I use the methadone clinic like E harmony

Octomom, Nadya Suleman, got a tattoo over the weekend that pays tribute to her octuplets and includes some Chinese lettering. When asked for a translation of the Chinese letters, Suleman said, “8 kids = 15 minutes of fame.”

The new tattooed Barbie doll is too edgy for some parents. Because of the uproar, Mattell has halted production on the pierced clitoris Barbie.

"Master...Da Plane, Da Plane!"

"Tattoo, that's just a commercial glider, U.S. Airways Flight 1549 scheduled to get needed PR for the Big Apple."

"OK, boss!"