Everybody has to stop all this foolishness that Osama Bin Laden is alive, living in a cave and send audio tapes to the world. Is this just another of Cheney's stupid ideas to keep the war on terrorists alive?

If he is alive what the hell is doing living in a cave?  And why is sending stupid audio tapes?  Who the hell makes audio tapes? If he's got electricity in that cave, why doesn't he make a video flipping everyone off?

And the news media goes crazy everytime a tape is let loose. "Osama Bin Laden Is Alive, Osama Bin Laden Is Alive, Osama Bin Laden Is Alive."  Shut up!  He's not alive.  If he is alive he would look like Jeff Dunham's puppet Achmed the Dead.

Hey. Maybe he is Achmed, "Silence, I keel you."

The only thing he has ever spelled correctly is OBGYN.

 After all those women that are coming out Tiger is going to need those free nikes he's been getting to run away. Hopefully he's not stupid enough to run to his ex wife.

In a recent interview, former President George W. Bush said that "he doesn't miss the spotlight".  He then added, "That's because the spotlight maked me look stupid".

"Give me the big half!"

"So I was thinking to myself..."

As if there were some other option.

Years ago, I made a deal with the Devil to get Pat Robertson to stop making stupid comments. And now this: "Something happened a long time ago in Haiti, and people might not want to talk about it," he said on Christian Broadcasting Network's "The 700 Club." "They were under the heel of the French. You know, Napoleon III, or whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, we will serve you if you'll get us free from the French. True story. And so, the devil said, okay it's a deal."

An 8 year old Cub Scout was hassled by airport security because he happens to have the same name as a known terrorist. The tot told the press, “Yeah, and I think my stupid sister told them that I make underwear bombs too, like after we eat at Grandma’s.”

Folks in the Lakewood, Ohio area just love the locally famous grilled cheese sandwiches served up at the Melt Bar & Grilled Restaurant. The question is how much? The restaurant has teamed up with Voodoo Monkey Tattoo and are offering any patron with a tattoo of their classic sandwich a 25% discount. John Forgus of Voodoo Monkey says he's been getting creative like giving one person a tattoo of Popeye holding a grilled cheese sandwich instead of a spinach can. ***MARLAR: For a grilled cheese sandwich?  Really? I mean, I would understand if you were getting 25% off your Starbucks... but a stupid grilled cheese?

 To the tune of "Take This Job & Shove It" by Johnny Paycheck